emptiness

I'm so done. just fed up. I don't know what I was every thinking. why do I feel so alone? why does it seem like I'm invisible? every thing I say is ignored. every time I get close I'm pushed away. what am I doing? why am I still trying? why do I think things will change? he has no desire to improve our relationship. he probably doesn't even think anything is wrong. everything is wrong. ok, maybe not everything. but a lot of things are wrong. we barely get along anymore. and I don't feel loved. isn't that the most important thing in a relationship? to feel loved?

I think what sucks the most is that deep down I know in my heart I'll never be happy with him. I know in my soul he is not the one meant for me. he can't be. because the one meant for me wouldn't let me feel the emptiness I seem to always feel. he wouldn't ignore everything I say - he would make compromises and discuss things with me. he would understand that the decisions and the actions he makes also affect me. he would let me cuddle up next to him on the couch while watching our favorite shows. and he would talk to me. about anything and everything. I just want to talk forever. share everything. but I can't. not with chris. he doesn't care. and he doesn't reciprocate the sharing. I know so little about him. even though I've known him for almost five years. pathetic. that's what it is.

but what can I do?