making bets

I made a bet. I don't like making bets in fear of the possibility of losing regardless of how confident I am. and not only did I make a bet, I made a bet with the mine manager at my work. the bet? the suns will either (a) win the championship or (b) beat the spurs if they ever play. how stupid I am? I (a) made a bet with my boss's boss's boss's boss & therefore can't talk too much shit since, well he's pretty high up there, (b) made a bet that is very difficult to win since the spurs have beaten the suns the past 4 years we've played them in the playoffs, and (c) made a bet that is soo important to win since I'm the "newbie" and need to impress/gain credibility around the office rather than make stupid bets against someone who has always won bets (the hydromet manager made the same kind of bet last year & lost).

I feel sick. I'm terrified of going to work next week. I know shit's gonna go down & I'm not one who has witty comebacks & even if I did - he's the mine manager! I'm screwed. I prayed the mavericks would beat the spurs last night, but they failed me & even though we won, I felt like calling into work because I know we'll be playing the spurs in round two which starts monday. every game they play I'm gonna be soo stressed out even more than I would normally be. and even though I'm rather confident we can beat the spurs - when we're hot, we've played better defense & we'll have home court advantage - I really don't wanna deal with the spurs beating us. hopefully they won't let me down.
the stakes? suns win - mark (the mine manager) has to wear a suns jersey for a month. spurs win - I'll have to wear a spurs jersey for a month. *shivers*

update: mark showed up to work today with a spurs polo & spurs basketball shorts over his pants. I think this is war.

puppy of the day:I really love the color of this one.
6 month old female lab/pit mix 
crate & potty trained
aww isn't she precious? would be perfect for our humongous yard.

awesome: la roux's "bulletproof."
lame: presentations.


all things considered...

so here I am, working on what seems to be a never-ending excel spreadsheet, trying to figure out how everything is calculated, listening to pandora on my phone (can't stream at work which is super lame), trying my best to stay awake after another late game night, when this song comes up: "all things considered" by yankee grey. my first instinct was to change it since the first five or so notes game the impression that it was a country song, but I was in the middle of typing something, so I couldn't. Instead I listened to it and found it ridiculously catchy. And for some reason it made me think of TJ.

since TJ & I have completely stopped talking, I catch myself thinking about the times we spent together and how much fun I had. I wonder if I was truly being selfish and not understanding l or if I was being a bitch or if I was at complete fault like he kept claiming or what. and then I wonder if I really am a drama queen as other people claim.

but after listening to this rather short tune, I've come to the conclusion that, all things considered, I'm doing just fine. I've got the love and support from my family and friends. I have a wonderful, caring, thoughtful fiancée. I'm about to move into a beautiful house. I have a challenging and exciting job career. I may not have the drama or the fun times that he brought me, but I'm pretty dang happy - consistently happy and rather stress free. I don't want drama. I like how everything's simple now. and even though it was a hellish and long nine or so months, where I am now is awesome and I like love that. it's nice not having to feel guilty every time I spend time with friends or family or wanna take a nap. life is good.

puppy of the day (until I get a new one):

10 week old mixed female. mainly crate trained!

awesome: the suns winning playoff games that are crucial to win and winning them by 20+ points.
lame: spreadsheets that refer to every other spreadsheet and workbook on site making me take hours just to find out where one single number came from.


moving on up

we got a letter in the mail over the weekend from the housing development chris & I are getting our house built. it's what I've been waiting for since january. our closing of escrow (or whatever they call it) is set for may 19th! this is the day we'll get the keys to our house! I just can't wait for it to be done because it sure has been a hassle. so in 22 more days (not counting today) chris & I will be sleeping in our own home. on our amazing bed. it's got the perfect name - cloud supreme. how can you not like a bed that's call the cloud supreme? anyways, super stoked to be getting out of my parent's house - not that I don't love my family and all, just 6 adults under a small roof is just too hectic. and I seem to be the one causing most of the issues. 

other than that, I don't really have anything interesting to say today.

here's the puppy I've fallen in love with for the day. 

8-9 wk old female pit - her name would be calcium or "calie"

awesome: found this while researching some stuff for work. it's an illustration of how the copper in the solution (the little thing with eyebrows) is attracted to the organic (the blobby thing) during one of the processes. love it's honesty.

lame: msha is on site today & will be inspecting the tankhouse (where I work) any minute now. I'm all about mine safety & enforcing regulations and policies, but I think msha inspectors have a tendency to take it too far (labeling all empty containers "empty" - really?). they also just bring stress around the workplace and prevent employees from getting the important shit done since they have to spend days running around checking EVERYTHING possible to make sure it will "comply."


annoyance of the day: b-dogs

some people are lucky to have awesome b-dogs. the the kind of b-dogs that listens and understands and actually thinks you're a human being. and the ones that help you grow and learn as a professional.

my b-dog is not exactly one of those. he's a good guy and all but he's really pushing my buttons right now. I am full aware that my "90 days" (90 days of being a new employee and therefore people giving me a break and being nice) are up but you don't need to prove a point that you can torture me. I am looking forward to the tasks and assignments people will be giving me. but that also doesn't mean you can sit back and laugh like an arrogant bastard.

and when I ask you a simple question, I just want a simple answer. you don't need to explain to me some useless story for 15-20 minutes. and you definitely don't have to go into deep details about everything I ask. "is monty going over this?" is a yes or no question. that's it.

and when someone does give me something to do - don't come into my office and do it for me. I am fully capable of adding a data series on a chart in excel. I just had a simple question about what needed to be done - I didn't not know how to do it. thanks for doing it for me, but that doesn't help me learn nor does it make me look like I know what I'm doing.
my b-dog is just rude, simply put. he'll interrupt you. he'll make you wait while he chats with someone. he comes into my office today - who knows why - and gets a phone call. so he answers it. fine, no biggie. but he talks so freakin' loud and he stays in my office so I can't even concentrate to do anything else while I'm waiting for him. and of course, it's not a short conversation nor does he apologize for taking the phone call or anything (it's just common courtesy). he corrects people with a condescending attitude. he laughs at people when they make an innocent mistake - and not in a fun everyone's-laughing-I'm-just-laughing-along kinda way. and he acts like he thinks he's such a big shot around here.

I think the thing that annoys me the most, though, is how he thinks he has the right to be such a dick and go around changing everything. if you think something is better and can improve the process, then fine, just talk to the supervisors here about it first. don't go talking to your b-dog (rex) so he'll approve it and throw it at chris & tom (the supervisors here at the tankhouse) without giving them any kind of warning. that's just not right. people can be understanding about changes, if you just talk to them first.

on another note, I'm gonna start doing a little ending thing (kinda pretty much stolen from another blog I came across one day). just for fun.

awesome: beagle puppies. this is another beagle puppy (12 weeks old) that I found on craigslist that I super badly want.

lame: $400 re-homing fees for a beagle puppy that isn't even potty trained house trained.


I need me some puppy love

so I somewhat got the go-ahead as to getting a new dog - at least I'm telling myself I did. it won't be the puppy I desperately yearn for - chris is too afraid it's going to chew up all our new furniture - understandable - but I got him to agree to at least an 8 month to a year old dog - which is still considered a puppy. (although he did say a 5 month old puppy was pushing it - so I may be able to talk him down to 6 or 7 months? haha) I'm beyond excited since I've come to terms as to the real reasons I want a puppy so bad.

(1) because chris has ginger. even though ginger is both of ours, she's a daddy's girl for sure. she cuddles with him more on the couch and gets more excited to see him than me. I want a puppy to be care for & to cuddle with & will excited to see me after work.

(2) because I'm itching for a baby. yup. that's right. even though I'm still not 100% sure if I even want to have kids, I have this uncontrollable feeling whenever I see a baby to think awww, I want one. and baby lorelai doesn't help. she is the cutest dangest baby ever. I'm so attracted to this little human being that is so new to everything around her and finds everything interesting and amusing. her excitement to learn intrigues me. the fact that she knows certain things - if you need comfort, she'll pat your back - is amazing. and when I play with her, it reminds me of how simple life can be. how covering your eyes & uncovering them can be so amusing. how good it feels when you learn something new like tying your shoe. she reminds me that life isn't always complicated and stressful. I want my own to bring me that kinda joy every day.

but not right now. not for a while. and not until I get over the fact that I can safely carry a child and it won't be that bad to push it out of my vagina or get a c-section. because right now, that's what I fear the most. I'm hoping a puppy will fool my body into thinking it's like a child so this "itching" can go away.

chris said we can get a puppy soon but not until we move into our house. well thank god our house will be done in about three weeks now! so I'm guessing that in about 5-6 weeks I will have operation: new dog complete.

here's some cute guys I've found so far.
I'd name her moly (short for molybdenum) I'm not sure how old she is - young is what the place say - but she's a pit/lab/shepard mix.

this guy is 7 months old & crate trained. I'm thinking he's a nitro (short for nitrogen of course)
this guy is about 5 months old (they think) & is a lab/pit mix & I love his paws! I'm not sure what I'd name him quite yet though...maybe zirconium or helium?
I've always wanted a beagle puppy! but I could never find any for adoption in arizona so I basically gave up. except I found these little guys on craigslist! aww I want one so bad. I'd name him copper. :)

hopefully I can find one that'll be available the end of may or early june (the beagle puppies are ready may 25th!). we'll see what the boy says.


it's a nice day for a white wedding

because I have too much time on my hands at work, I started a wedding blog. there's not much to it yet, but I'm hoping to use it for ideas and suggestions. I also have the vision of using it to describe our process of putting together a wedding and engagement life and such. my true vision is to have it as like a joint blog where chris can contribute his feelings and thoughts and ideas, but he doesn't seem to keen on the idea yet. but the wedding is a long ways a way and I can understand that he doesn't have much to talk about yet. I told him he didn't have to reveal his deepest feelings but just general thoughts - to give the guy's perspective of the year going up to the wedding. I hope he'll become more open and at least give it a try closer to the wedding or more into the planning process. but his view is "what guy likes blogging?"

know any guys who enjoy blogging?

anyways, please check it out & pass it around to people that are good at advice/suggestions/creative & unique ideas/etc...



not only was my beloved puppy adopted this weekend, but Chris also gave me a big fat no. no puppies. (even though he's promised me one.) so I'm on the hunt for a the youngest dog I can get that is crate-trained since that's what we'll mainly have to rely on until it gets old enough to behave in our new home. I found a few, just gotta wait on the approval from the other. I'll keep you posted on operation: new puppy young, well trained, dog.

on a side note - I was talking with a coworker last week who has gotten divorced & has since remarried. since everyone around the offices know that I'm recently engaged, she gave me a bit of advice: you must have great communication & marry someone you have a lot in common with.

whooaaa. hold on there. what was that now? great communication and a lot in common. shit. looks like I'm on the road to divorce.

so I spend the next couple of days down in the dumps. I've always known that chris & I had beyond horrible communication skills - something I keep hoping we'll take time to get some help on - but I didn't think about stuff we have in common, or lack thereof. I started breaking down the facts - at least in my head. I just couldn't think of any one thing that we both have enjoy doing - that we both have a passion for.

we went to the boyce thompson arboretum this weekend & chris kept saying how this lady he knows got married there & how we should get married there. & I told him that I wouldn't want to get married there because, even though we both love nature & stuff, we're not nature/flower freaks & I'd feel like we'd be lying. & then I got to thinking about couples that have those kind of themed weddings that represent who they are as a couple & junk. like couples that love sailing/boating so they get married at sea. or couples that love nature & are hippie-like & get married at an arboretum. chris & I wouldn't be able to do that because we both don't have a passion for something.

I got even more depressed & down so I tried to talk to chris about it. well since we have shitty communication he got frustrated & upset & started acting like I was trying to pick a fight - which I wasn't - I was just trying to voice a genuine concern of mine - that we don't have anything in common & that we're gonna get bored with each other. we argued back & forth when I finally got up & went to my parents & simply asked: "what is the one thing you guys have in common that you both have a passion for?"

my mom looked at my dad with her famous disappointed face (implying that they don't really have one) & my dad flat out said that the don't really have one. but then he went on to say that what has made them work & what has made them get along all these years was that he lets her do her own thing & she lets him do his own thing. they let each other be independent. they still like doing things together, but there isn't one main thing they have in common that they both have a passion for.

ok. I'll buy it. but then I got to thinking even more (I must've done a lot of thinking this weekend - maybe that's why I have a headache this morning) - why do you have to have a lot in common with the person you spend your life with. yeah it's great to do the things you love with someone else, but wouldn't that make you sick of that person quicker? wouldn't it be best to have a few things in common & keep your independence? maybe that way you have time to miss the other - maybe it makes the time you do spend together more meaningful since you do stuff apart. I'm not saying couples that have a lot in common are going to fail, but I don't think it should be pounded in our heads that you need to have a lot in common with the person you're with.

chris & I may not have a lot in common, but the stuff we do binds us together. & we make compromises. I've always loved basketball, something chris never really used to pay attention to, & now we're half-season ticket holders & he's bought his own jersey to wear. I...well...I think chris has made more compromises to my likings than I have to his. I should change that. anyways, we love doing stuff together, but we also value the time we have apart. I think that keeps us sane. when I was with TJ & he wanted to do everything together & spend every moment I'm in town together, I was going crazy. I couldn't handle that. I think it just depends on the person. if you're the kind who needs space, you should be with someone who needs space. if you're one who loves company, then yeah, you should have a lot in common. but not me. I'm happy.


and then I fell in love

I was having a tough day at work and needed something to cheer me up. there's a couple of places I go to lift me up, but today I needed something that will  make my heart flutter. so I went to petfinder.com - one of my favorite sites to look at puppies. and then I saw her.

I've looked a lot of puppies but this girl just immediately drew me to her. she's so unique and beautiful. I love her white and brown color and the way it is on her body. I want her. bad. I'm just  a little hesitant to contact about adoption since our house isn't finished and won't be finished for another three weeks or so. and I don't know if they can exactly hold her until we can take her.

how can you say no to a face like this? although, I'm not sure what I'd call her yet. my ultimate goal in life is to have my pets named after elements off the periodic table. (my beta fish I got my freshman year, I named potassium - or K for short - RIP - finally passed away after four wonderful years.) so I'm thinking she looks like a magnesium - or maggie for short? or maybe calcium - cali for short? nickel (nicki)? beryllium (Be)? not sure yet. I still have to convince chris and the place to let us have her. 


annoyance of the day: bugs

here's things most people would typically find annoying about the drive I make:
  • the fact that it's an hour-long drive.
  • the time you have to wake up in order to get to work on time.
  • the 50 miles one way.
  • the wear and tear on the vehicle.
  • not having a convenient alternative route when there's an accident.
  • the windy roads.
  • the fact that it's mostly one-lane traffic.
  • getting stuck behind semis or other vehicles going less than 40 mph.
  • the fact that it's an hour-long drive.
and what do I find annoying the most?
  • the shitload of bugs that get splattered across my windshield every day.
no lie. it's really the only thing I hate about my drive to work. my windshield drives me crazy. I don't like dirty windshields. not one bit. every time I get gas I have to clean it (and I get gas often, since it's over 100 miles round trip for work). and (this is one of the things I get from my dad - thanks) I don't half-ass clean it. I scrub that shit off. and on the drive home from work, it just gets covered again. completely. it's disgusting. and it drives me crazy. I'm thinking about cleaning it every day when I get home from work rather than just waiting until I get gas.

I hate you warmer weather that makes the bugs come out.


love & basketball

if there's one thing that I'm passionate about (besides music) it's sports. I'm not going to say that I watch espn 24 hours a day or even much at all, but I do love sports. I'm also not going to say that I'm awesome at playing sports - I actually suck pretty bad (although I do enjoy trying to play) - so I just stick to watching them. the excitement, the adrenaline, the competition, the victories, the shouting, the foam fingers, the fans - I love it all. I especially love how it brings strangers together. it's one of the few times you can talk "crap" to someone you don't even know and not get beat up. it's also one of the few times you can hug a complete stranger and not get beat up.

my first sport of choice is basketball. I think it's the suns year this year - to take it all the way. their defense has improved significantly. their offense has remained superior. and their energy is powerful. it's a good feeling to be in an arena with thousands of other fans and hearing the roar we create. and they deserve it (the suns). they have worked hard being the team with the best rating since the all-star break. and I think with their improved defense and amazing support from the fans, we'll take home the championship this year.

damn do I get into basketball. chris and I just renewed our half-season tickets for the suns (squeeeaaal) and I'm beyond excited. I love watching it at home with my parents, but it's a complete different environment watching it live. when I'm there, I get to scream/yell as loud as my voice allows me. I get to jump up and down when stoudemire slams it in an opponents face. I get to see goran's beautiful face in person. I can yell and cuss the refs for ridiculous calls. I get to high five people next to me I barely know. every once in a blue moon, I get free stuff. :) and I get to meet and cheer with other season ticket holders. being a season ticket holder (even if it is just half-season) you really get to know the other season ticket holders around you. you learn who they are and what they do. and it's great because you already know you have something in common with them so getting along is easy. I feel like the people in the couple of rows around us are kinda like a family. and they just adopted us.

I'm proud to be a suns fan. I m orng. r u?


easy solution

talked to chris last night. voiced my concerns about having to give up my dream wedding and having to change what my idea of a dream wedding was multiple times and yada yada. we came to the conclusion that it is smarter and overall better if we push back the wedding a few more months. because each additional month is a shitload of money. as well as more time to plan our dream. it will also give us time to settle into our house and start paying off our student loans. he was totally fine with the idea and completely agreed. overall: brilliance.

and now I get my fall wedding. :)


to be completely honest...

I am scared of getting married.

I love chris. there's no doubt about that. he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know that. but when I think about our wedding and all the planning and stuff that goes into it, my stomach gets in knots. I start breathing heavily. my heart starts beating faster. I feel overwhelmed. and I feel like I don't deserve my fairy tale day. I've always told people that I didn't want an extravagant wedding - and I still don't believe I do - but at the same time, maybe I do. I do want a perfect day - at least perfect in my eyes. I do want it to be beautiful. and I do want plants and flowers and lights everywhere. but at the same time, everything I want cost money. and not just a little bit of money - my dream wedding is hella expensive. I still want it to be simple, but elegant at the same time. but my idea of my dream wedding is expensive. so I guess in that way, it is extravagant.

but we can't afford a wedding that costs $15,000. I just graduated college. chris hasn't even graduated yet. we just started our jobs - yes they pay well but we have student loans to pay off and we just bought a house. we can't save up enough money by march of next year. no way. not without living and buying anymore stuff for our house. and when I think about the fact that I'm not going to have my dream wedding, I get sad. and then I get angry. I get sad, because every bride should have their dream wedding. and then I feel angry like I'm being a spoiled princess. it's tearing my apart. I shouldn't be crying because I'm not getting what I want. I should be happy that I'm marrying such a wonderful guy. but why should I give up something I've always dreamt of?

I tell chris I'm ok with something simpler but I'm not so sure I am. I'm not sure if I can handle the stress and task of putting together my dream wedding by myself. I've been beyond stressed just trying to find a venue that meets my dream (something with a beautiful view & plants/flowers). and now I have to try and find a banquet hall type thing for our reception? and on top of that I have to find a florist, photographer, amazing dj, an officiant, a caterer, a cake maker, invitations, and decorations?! are you kidding me? the all-inclusive plans from my favorite venues were expensive, yes, but it saves me that trouble and stress. I won't have to spend every night crying because I feel overwhelmed. because I don't wanna settle for less. I don't want my wedding to look tacky or cheap. so I'm gonna have a hella-hard time trying to find the right stuff to match my dream. and I'm afraid it's gonna end up being more expensive in the end.

and when it comes down to it, I don't want to plan my wedding.


call me irresponsible

to answer any questions about the live performance ability of michael bublé, the answer is simple:

his voice was perfect - soulful and manly. his look was beautiful - dressed in a suit and a gorgeous smile. and his show was entertaining and hilarious - making jokes about tiger woods and his new fiancé cutting off his penis.

simply amazing.

you're welcome.

thank you Chris's mom for the tickets.



everyone has obsessions. it just depends how far they feel like taking them. I have quite a few when it comes to music. I will even go as far to say that music is one of my obsessions. I'm always listening to it. different things. almost everything from classic rock to modern day rock to soul to r&b to jazz. I loves it all. there's a few artists that I'm obsessed with as well - in other words, I can listen to them any time, multiple times, all the time. I never get sick of them.

michael bublé. if you haven't heard of him I'd say he's the modern day frank sinatra. beautiful all around. I'll tell you about how he is live after I see him tonight. yup - that's right. I am privileged to see him in concert tonight and I am BEYOND stoked. I owe chris's mom big time.

one republic. I learned about them when a friend of mine from my psychology class told me about their song "apologize." I listened to it once I got home and for the rest of that night. their debut album is amazing. it's one of those I will listen to for days on end. it's one of my favorites to listen to in the car, when I'm alone, so I can belt them out as loud as I can. it's definitely one of my favorites because I love every song and can listen to every song over and over again. their second album - also amazing (but there's one or two songs I can live without).

the white tie affair. one of my favorite albums to dance to in the car. they're one of those bands that make me a giddy "teen bop" since I melt at the sound of the lead singer's voice. 

kings of leon. but only their latest album. I've listened to (& own) their previous stuff, but it's a completely different sound. not bad exactly, but I'm obsessed with "only by the night." the songs are so sexy. they make me want to take off my clothes and dance on top of a bar. no I have not done it.

quietdrive. if you haven't heard them, you should check them out. great stuff. 

brownies. no they're not a band. their a food. duh. jack from across the hall (who has the rep of being the "grouchy old man" around the tankhouse) just gave me one and it is amazing and reminded me of how much I love brownies. especially the corners where they're nice and soft and gooey in the middle and have a crunch/hardness on the edge that gives it the perfect balance. but only the ones with nuts. no nuts, no fun.


simply complicated.

I've always considered myself somewhat creative - but more in the artsy-crafty-sort-of-way. for thanksgiving dinner at our house, instead of little name plates for seating arrangements (there's a lot of people that come over for thanksgiving dinner) I made paper indians and pilgrims & pasted each guest's face on them. anytime any of my family members wants some sort of sign, they come to me. I can be quite creative with paper. but when it comes to writing and of the sort, I don't think I have much creativity. if the mood strikes, I can write poems no problem. but blogging - I'm not sure it's my forte yet. I just don't think I have anything interesting to write about. but I'm learning to tap into myself and really express those thoughts and emotions I feel but am used to hiding.

but thinking of an awesome blog title is driving me crazy. it's hard for me to think of something creative and unique and describes me and what I'm about. and then trying to find//create some cool artwork to go along with it is just as difficult. I've come across blogs that have a neat picture//design to display their blog title. I'm jealous.

I used the term "simply complicated" some time last year in describing myself and thought I was so awesome//creative//unique//mysterious with it. I truly believe it describes my life perfectly. I love simple things in life. rainy days. sunshine. light breezes. jumping in puddles. sleeping in. board games with the family. laughing. raisinets. grass. fall trees. spring flowers. and I can go on. but there are also a lot of things about me that make me complicated. I'm very picky about my food, for one. it can't touch. I eat everything one at a time and don't like mixing it up (meat first, then potato, then salad, then veggies). I love carrots, but not when they're cooked. I don't like anything mushy for that matter (bread with gravy - makes the bread soggy, cooked carrots, oatmeal, etc). I like corn on the cob, but not off the cob. and it's not just with food. I'm sure Chris could go on about what makes me complicated - or maybe it's just annoying for him. but basically, I'm a complicated individual who loves the simple things in life.

so I'm leaning towards "simply complicated" as my title - now I just need some cool design to display it with....


They grow up so fast...

I don't really recall why I was going through pictures on my computer, but I was. And I came across this adorable picture of Lorelai. 
I love this girl. She's my cousin's baby. I think that makes her my second cousin? Or first cousin once removed? I always get it mixed up. I basically treat her like she's my own niece anyways. She's two now. I just spent some time with her yesterday (she tried to imitate my dad when he blew his nose by pretending to blow her nose in a kleenix but she was just making a loud noise). She's grown up so fast. She's so smart & amazing. I love her. Did I mention that already? She calls me "Eesha." Here she is from a couple of weeks ago at our family reunion.
It's awesome seeing her grow up and watching her learn life.  It makes me want a baby of my own sometimes.