annoyance of the day: the lady down the hall

the lady down the hall from me, on the other side of the building, talks to herself. not a little. not quietly to the point that you're not really sure if you caught her talking to herself or not. but loud. and a lot. I mean all day long she's talking to herself.

I've only discovered this last week. beforehand, I just assumed she was always on the phone. wrong. she's crazy. she'll have conversations with herself. and you constantly hear her cussing and asking questions and making random comments. she'll even walk through the hallway singing to herself. and she'll even talk in the bathroom!

seriously freeport - how did she get through your rigorous hiring process?


best buy = broke chris & alicia

my time at best buy should definitely be limited and monitored by a competent adult (which does not include chris). I can't seem to go through there without buying something. as a kid, I went to best buy to stock up on cd's - back when they had tons of cd's for $9.99 and $7.99 (including popular and new releases). and now that I'm older, I get to go to spend a lot of money for the big kahuna of electronics.

last night our internet finally started working (it was installed on sunday) so we decided to go to the good ol' double b to get a wireless router. simple enough. chris wanted to be home in 40 minutes.  seemed doable. we went and quickly found a router and unfortunately had to walk past the tvs on the way out. we joked: let's take a quick look at tvs and see if we can make another poor financial decision.

back up now a bit to the history of our bad financial decision making. we're truly every salesperson's dream because we're complete suckers for anything and everything. case in point:

  1. took a "free" trip to vegas - only had to listen to some timeshare presentation - left with a marriot timeshare in vegas
  2. went to look at a small kia at a used dealership in tucson - left with a more expensive car
  3. went out on day one with our realtor - saw maybe 4-5 houses - left with a contract to buy a house
  4. when we bought our la-z-boy furniture, they provided a complimentary interior design service - ended up buying everything they suggested (minus one metal artwork piece), 2 rugs, 2 table lamps, 1 floor lamp, decorative pillows, end tables, coffee table, entertainment center
there's probably many more but those are the most recent. we're so bad that chris's dad put a $5,000 cap on us - anything over $5,000 had to go through him.

too bad everything we bought yesterday was under $5,000. we were looking at some pretty awesome LCD HD 60 inch tvs when the very nice salesperson came and asked if we needed anythihng. chris had a quick question about the difference between LED and LCD which turned into which is the best tv here in your opinion which escalated to a $4,500 payment. I'm a major sucker for a good sale and boy were they having one. we ended up getting the following:

  • 55" samsung 3D LCD HD tv
  • 4 3D glasses
  • blu-ray 3D player
  • receiver
  • 5 surround sound speakers
  • direct tv
  • wireless router
the 3D tv, 3D glasses, & blu-ray player were the package deal that was less than the regular price of the 3D tv itself. the 3D glasses sell for $150 a piece! and the 3D blu-ray player is about $350. since chris was approved for a good amount best buy credit card, he wanted to get as much as he could then because it was 3 years 0% interest - that's why we got the speakers and receiver. since we bought a tv, we got a rebate for a $350 gift card for direct tv which is why we signed up for that. that and because I get NBATV and ESPN 3D! the picture - both 3D and 2D - are amazing and I liked the fact that I could still watch everything in 2D but had that bonus option of watching a movie or soccer game in 3D. needless to say, we probably won't be spending much else for a while. at least I hope.

so my lesson: don't go to best buy. ever. buy cd's on amazon and other electronics elsewhere. best buy = trouble.


fashion friday: mad men

I've always been fascinated with fashion. I strongly believe it's a freedom of speech - a way to express oneself. and I love seeing everyone's different fashion ideas and such. but at the same time, I feel I can't classify myself in a fashion "category." I'm not punk. I'm not preppy. I'm not tomboy. and I'm not vintage. I have all different kinds of clothing in my closet. it kind of disappoints me - almost every one I know has a style. and sometimes I feel lost when it comes to my style. it's hard for me to pick one style. it's hard for me to accept that I may look good in a particular style as well. but regardless, I love fashion. so I thought I'd share some of my favorite pickings and things I come across online or in life that interest me.

this week I browsed a couple of sites and saw some things that not only caught my eye but also have a mad men theme.
brought to you by modcloth
I think this dress is rightly named: sweet temptation. the bow and polka dots give it a sweet taste yet it kind of hints at some spiciness that awaits underneath. this would be something I'd wear if I was betty draper from mad men and had a studly husband like don draper. I could do dishes commando in this dress. no doubt.

while I'm the topic of mad men, this dress also reminds me of that show.
brought to you by unique-vintage
more specifically, the character joan holloway perfectly played by christina hendricks. I've only watched a few episodes of mad men but I found it very fascinating. and I'm pretty confident every woman has a girl crush on her. she exudes this confidence of a sex kitten while still keeping it (somewhat) classy. she is also shaped like a real woman. I envy her curves. it's way better than being a straight stick. and she has every curve possible and rather than hiding it, like more curvy women today (other than beyonce), she flaunts it. and not in a trashy way. in a classy, yet in your face, way. amazing. if I had curves like her's, I'd buy this adorable dress. that and if I was willing to spend $150 on a dress that I don't have enough occasions to wear it to.

although, if I had a office job, like a secretary or administer or something, I would want to wear something like that. or this below. if I felt like I could pull it off of course.
brought to you by unique vintage
I love the ruffles. it definitely adds character and flare to your typical business suit. too bad I don't have an office job though. although I sort of do, except I don't think steel toed shoes would look very appropriate with this outfit. and I have to wear pants for work. soo...maybe I should switch careers so I can wear cute outfits to work.

until next week - stay fashionably awesome!

life is good

it's almost been a month, now, since we've moved into our first house. I can't say everything's been picture perfect though. I figured, since chris and I would be moving into our first house together, our bond would grow. it hasn't. yet. I feel he still rather do every thing around the house BUT spend time with me. but at the same time, I think I've just been extra moody lately. maybe it's the pill. it's messin' with my hormones and my emotions doesn't feel like putting up with the change. I feel bad because sometimes I think I'm just a nagging girlfriend which equals a shitty girlfriend. and I don't like the idea of being a crappy girlfriend. and it's not me to be so naggy. I don't want to be that person. I think I'm just gonna have to work extra hard to keep my temper behind closed doors and my emotions at bay.

on the other hand, I feel at home. it's weird being an owner of a house. there's so many things to do around the place it's exciting. picking the furniture for each room was awesome but now that's over. now I get the daunting task of unpacking and deciding where our old stuff fits in our new home. it's kind of tough. so far, I'd say everything's decorated in a classic, rich (not wealthy, but rich in color) kind of way. (pictures will come after saturday when our internet is finally installed.) and some of the stuff I own, I feel like it's too childish to fit in a "grown-up" home. but at the same time, I don't want to get rid of it. so I just haven't unpacked a lot yet.

my parent's came over last night & I made dinner. a delicious mexican lasagna (thanks jenna!). sure it took me like 3 hours to make, but we enjoyed ourselves. my parents drank some of their favorite wine in our new wine glasses while chris had some beer and we played euchre. it was good times. I like being a hostess. can't wait to do it some more.

it's definitely different adjusting to living in my own house with just the two of us + two dogs. but I think I'm getting there. some day I'll be a big girl. ha.

as for a pepper update: she's doing fantastic. her shit has solidified. we've been weening her back to her old fatty food. and she's just as spunky as ever. I'd say operation: get pepper healthy has been complete - at least after today. she'll finished her intestine meds, her antacid meds, and her antibiotics today and will only have her albon medicine which is to treat the coccidia. and she doesn't show any sign of weakness. she's a tough little cookie. and she's getting fatter. she was almost heavy when I put her in her crate this morning. life is good.


through the looking glass

looking in the mirror today at work, and I notice I look like a boy. crap. I'm wearing jeans, boots, and a medium shirt which is too big on me so I have to tuck it in. my hair is disarray because I've spent most of my morning on an audit outside in 100+ degree weather. so I look like a boy with shoulder-length hair. no curves = not much of a figure. my figure is straight. boyishly straight.

do they do curve enhancements somewhere? and no one say I need to eat more.


losing my religion

yesterday, I discussed my hopes for the well-being of my dear sick puppy, pepper. I said that even though I wasn't religious, I was praying she'd get better. and I claimed that if she were to get through this, I would greatly reconsider my religious beliefs. well, she's not 100% better yet, and I by no means want to jinx it, but things are looking good. she may have already beaten parvo and now just needs to beat this easily treatable disease. so chances are looking fantastic.

so does that mean I'll be going to church on sunday? am I going to convert myself and read the bible on a nightly basis? probably not. actually that's a no. I'm not saying I'm going against my word. I just think that religion and beliefs shouldn't be a do this do that sort of thing. if you believe, you believe. you follow the lessons and ideas of the religion but if you stray you're not going to be damned. if there is a god, I feel like he'd be happy and content if you just follow his lessons and whatnot. you shouldn't have to give up your life for him. you shouldn't have to feel like you're always walking on eggshells not to go against the bible.

or maybe my god is just more accepting of people. he understands everyone's human and is ok with that. as long as you aren't selfish and you are willing to help those in need, I think he'll be happy. just as long as you accept he exist and are willing to look to him for guidance. that's what I think at least. maybe I'm wrong. but I don't like being told what to believe and what will happen to me if I don't. I don't like how religion is shoved down my throat. I believe a lot of christian beliefs, but I also agree with buddist beliefs and some catholic ideas.

but I think the main jist of all religion is be good to life and others around you, and good things will happen to you. and when life throws serious shit your way, it's ok to look to an outside force or power for guidance.

maybe I won't go to church, but maybe this god fellow is the real deal. maybe he's there to help you grow and learn to be a decent human being. those who accept his challenges are successful in life and those who refuse his "help" aren't so lucky. life is tough. but the idea of him is that if you believe, you'll get through it.


a little pep in your step

a quick pepper update. the fecal flotation result came in. she has coccidia which are small organisms that live in the intestinal tract of dogs and cats. it's super common in puppies who have a weak immune system and who are stressed in other ways (such as change in ownership). it causes mild to severe diarrhea. coccodia or coccidiosis - is treatable. the vet gave us some albon medication which is effective in treatment. She said that it should clear up in 3-4 days. they also insinuated that if a puppy survive parvo after five days, it pretty much has it beat.

soo, starting to feed pepper her normal food on day 5 of parvo treatment must've triggered the organisms to attack or something causing her to get the shits. it is possible thay she already had parvo beat. and in that case, this new illness is easily treatable and therefore pepper is on her way to being a happy and healthy puppy.

hopefully only three more days until we can fatten her up again.

annoyance of the day: internet slang

fml. wtf. lol. wut. u. 2day. all these drive me crazy. sometimes, I think they're acceptable - when the phrase you're shortening is worth shortening - such as fyi (for your information = 20 characters!) or wtf when you're in g-rated areas, but most of these are overused. especially fml. I can't go through posts on facebook without seeing fml at least 5 times a day. that's ridiculous. and it's never a good enough reason to be so pissed off about life to say fml fuck my life. never is the acronym used when it really should be. some reasons to say fml (actual things that I've read):

  • having a really sick puppy that doesn't seem to be improving
  • having a dad who has cancer that's eating his ribs and being told that he has no more than 3 months to live
  • having a child who's allergic to everything and feeling overwhelmed by all the caution you have to take from now on
  • having your best friend be in critical condition thousand of miles away from a bike accident and not being able to go support them

some non-fml moments that I've actually read:

  • having to drive in construction on your way to vacation
  • having to go to work period
  • not having cereal when you want it

so many people use fml for the dumbest of situations. sure, driving through construction sucks ass, but, seriously, worse things could happen. sure you don't have cereal when you want it most isn't fair - but that's "ironic" as ms. morissette would say.

and what's crazy is that those who have legitimate fml situations never say fml. instead they do the best they can do to handle what life's thrown at them - hope, ask for advice, pray, ask for support. they don't sit there, acting pitiful, and say fuck my life. they don't look for pathetic, useless, sympathy from others - they look for support.

some people take life for granted. some people don't realize that there's people out there in a lot of pain, suffering from what life has brought. it's almost a slap in the face to say fuck my life because you're in traffic on your vacation. really? that's the worst that's happening to you? lucky bastard.

instead of saying fml, couldn't you say "oh darn" or just "fuck?" or just say how annoying it is. and as for the other internet slang, can't you just type the dang thing out? it's not that many more letters and it's just the grown up thing to do. we're not in middle school anymore. we're all adults. we learned english and grammar. we can write in complete sentences and phrases. there's no need to shorten phrases on facebook or any other site. unless you're getting close to that 160 character mark and that's a whole different issue.

quick pepper update

copper flotation done at mines
I've been super uber stressed about the whole sick puppy situation that I've been very depressed and down in the dumps lately. every time I see pepper poop nasty, runny shit, I cry a little inside. I've never been so attentive to shit before. and here I am examining every shit pepper takes to see if it's thickened up yet or if it's a nice brown color - as opposed to a mucus-y color - or if it's bloody. half the day it looks decent and as if it's improving and then the other half it doesn't look good. it's very discouraging. you get your hopes up when it looks good in the afternoon only to get them shut down the next morning. we took a sample (ugh-blegh-uoh) to the vet for them to do a "fecal flotation" on. (every time I think about the "fecal flotation" I picture them floating shit in a similar way they float copper in mineral processing where the copper minerals attach to the bubbles and are skimmed off the top of a cell - see above - now picture that with dog shit instead of copper - ha.) we should get the results sometime today. they think maybe she has another infection in her intestines and gave us some more meds. other than her shit, she's doing alright, I suppose. still active. still playful. still eats as much as we give her. just skin and bones. not sure how long a puppy can survive without fat. I hope it's long enough for her intestines to settle the fuck down.

anyway, I've been so stressed about her, it's hard to enjoy life. I don't get any sleep because I have to rush downstairs every time pepper needs to shit and I instantly wake up when I do fall asleep only to freak out and panic and make sure pepper's still breathing. so I don't feel like doing much during the day. I hate having to leave because I should be taking care of her. and I HATE that I can only feed her 1-2 tablespoons every 2-4 hours. 1-2 tablespoons ain't shit. that's a nibble. and when she's done nibbling, she looks at you with her big dark eyes and cries for more, but you can't give her more because you know it's just going to make her vomit and have diarrhea.  and I have to constantly struggle to get her to take three now four pills twice a day. I have to constantly keep my eye on her so I know if she throws up or takes a shit or anything. it's exhausting. I know it's "what you get when you get a puppy" - but this is a sick puppy. healthy puppies require slightly less attention. you don't panic over a healthy puppy. and you don't constantly worry your healthy puppy is going to not make it.

it's exhausting. mentally and physically. and when I get exhausted - mentally and physically - I get depressed and pessimistic and hateful and negative and yada yada yada. and I also get sick. just waiting for that to happen. but it's hard to enjoy life. some people may not understand how a puppy - that I've only had for 3 weeks - could make me so depressed. but she's like my baby. she's the closest thing I'll have to a newborn baby. and she's sick.

I've said before that I'm not really religious, but I've been praying. if pepper gets through this, I'll definitely reconsider my beliefs. all I know is, if there is a god, he has the ability to help homeless children and unfortunate families as well as sick puppies. dammit, he can do it all. he is god (for god's sake - I'm going to hell). I do want to make clear that a healthy pepper probably won't guarantee that I'll start going to church (it'll be a bitch trying to convince chris to do that one) but a healthy pepper will let me "allow" him into my life or whatever. but that's a different story. regardless, there's not much else I can do other than pray for her health. we're doing everything we can. we talk to the vet almost daily trying to get advice. and we follow their instructions as best as we can. there's not much else to do other than pray.


back to square one

pepper's not doing too swell again. it breaks my heart. yesterday was supposed to be the first day of us "weening" her off the bland prescription food and back to her regular good. I was super excited because that meant we'd be fattening her up and she won't look like skin and bones anymore. I think we gave her too much regular food though because she's got diarrhea and has been vomiting. last night she had to go out every half an hour. after the 50th time of waking up and letting her out (at around 11:30) I ended up just letting her stay outside (she didn't want to come back in) and sleeping on the couch. I still woke up every 30 minutes or so, though, so I could make sure she was still out there and alive. and she's been lethargic again. she doesn't want to play with ginger. she doesn't want to nip at your feet. she just lies there. it absolutely breaks my heart.

when we first heard pepper's got parvo, I cried so much. my heart was broken then. they gave her fluids under her skin (which created a huge bulge on her back) which made her whine and squirm. I literally felt my heart ache watching her go through that pain. she's just a puppy (which, by the way, lessens her chance of survival) - not even 2 months old. she doesn't deserve this. she is a complete sweetheart. they gave her four shots as well which just made more tears flow down my face. I felt like a waterfall. I couldn't stop crying. I imagine it feels like watching your young child having to go through various shots and pain. not only did it ache watching her in pain, I was terrified. what if she doesn't make it? my eyes well up thinking about it now.

so yesterday, when I discovered she was acting the way she did a week ago - sad, sick, and not wanting to do anything - I cried so much again. she really doesn't deserve this. and I feel horrible. I didn't know what we were doing going into this so my confidence in being able to cure her ourselves wasn't very high. (on the other hand, I didn't know if leaving her to be taken care of by strangers woulda helped either.) but when she started acting like her normal self and eating and vomiting/diarrhea stopped, I was so hopeful and so positive that we'd be able to kick this damn thing. and yesterday, I feel like I was just crushed - stomped on by the giant foot of god or whatever. he must really be testing me. I think he wants to watch me fall apart. again. and I feel horrible since it's probably our fault she's sick again. we really have sucked at this at-home treatment stuff. we can't seem to get anything right.

bundled up after a quick "swim" (6/16/10)
but I love her so much. I can't lose her. so we're not giving up. we just realized that we need to be slower in weening her back to normal food. we'll be giving her just the canned stuff until the diarrhea stops. then we'll just add a tiny bit of her regular food and slowly keep adding some until she's better again. she's a tough cookie, that's for sure.

I'm stressed out about so many things right now, it's not even funny. I feel like any moment, and small action or word, will break me. every moment of the day, I'm fighting back tears. everything isn't going my way these days. but more on that shit later.


tonight not again

I should not be feeling like this. I should not be thinking the things I have. I am ashamed. I am disgusted. Life isn't perfect, but there's nothing wrong with it either (for the most part, minus the sick puppy). I shouldn't be wondering. I shouldn't be hoping. I've been there. done that. and it just caused me more trouble. I've grown. so why do I feel like I'm back at square one? why do I feel like I've made no progress. why is it that the thoughts keep me up at night? they shouldn't be here.

maybe it's me. maybe I ask for it. I ask for trouble. and I get it. should I really be surprised?

you are not alone

today, in the middle of our morning meeting, calvin (the sx senior supervisor and an overall joyful individual) received a call from his wife informing him that her sister (his sister-in-law) has passed away. of course, we all felt sympathy as he immediately left, but I found myself near tears. I remember when we got the call that my tata passed. we were having our christmas dinner with my grandma and grandpa and my aunts, uncle, and cousins came from colorado and ohio (on my dad's side) that chrismas. we were all sitting outside around a canopy, it was night, and my mom was with my tata and her sisters taking care of him. my dad got the call and told us the news while were sitting in the circle. I immediately left to ball my eyes out, and reuben quickly followed (scotty, I believe, was with megan's parents'). not only was it the time that I lost my tata (rip), but it was also a time where I was surrounded by people that just didn't understand. sure they may have felt sympathy for me, but they had no clue the pain my brothers and I were suffering from. I remember having to leave during an important time to go to my mom, who was suffering the most. it was a time when the other side of my family was in town - the side that I hardly saw or spent time with. same with calvin - he had to leave during an important time - when he is a main resource for the ongoing shutdown (everyone went to him with questions).

other than the fact that I lost my tata, what hurt me the most was that their lives went on. they didn't have to mourn. they could continue enjoying the company and laugh and tell stories. they didn't have to feel the pain that would haunt them for years to come. to them, nothing even happened. they didn't understand the wonderful man my tata was. they didn't understand the inspiration and admiration I felt for him. they didn't understand the amazing individual that the world was now without. they just didn't understand. it wasn't their faults, of course. it's unfortunate that they never really knew the amazing talents and stories of my tata. but life went on for the rest of them, because it was christmas and their christmas shouldn't be put on hold due to someone they didn't even know.

and that's probably how calvin felt about his sister-in-law. because once everyone recovered from the shock of her death (it's a small town, so everyone knows each other), we went on with our lives. a five day shutdown was going on that needed everyone's complete attention and focus in order to get the job done safely and right. because for everyone else, the show must go on.

on another note: pepper's still doing well. the vet yesterday gave us permission to feed her up to 3/4 of a can of food a day. and the reason she's so skinny is because the food they gave us has no fat in it and therefore, she will not grow as long as she's being treated. good for me, since she'll basically stay a puppy longer, but sad for her since she's starving. but only a couple more weeks and she'll be back to her delicious, fattening food.

ginger also got a checkup and vaccinated. she's in good health other than her slight obesity problem. healthy puppies, here we come!


here comes the sun

when this whole sick puppy ordeal started last thursday, I was really upset and emotional. I'm not a religious person nor have I ever been spiritual. but that's a different story. I do have my beliefs of some greater higher power that guides us on the right path and who throws us challenges/heartache alone the way. and for a while I felt like that "power" was slapping me in the face. kind of a "hey, you haven't been seriously sadden/depressed in a while, how about this? how about a poor little sick puppy?" I felt like whatever it was, it was laughing at me. he was testing me and I was failing miserably. I began to regret convincing chris to get her in the first place. I felt like I should have known better to get a puppy from a stranger. but then, I felt differently - I turned it around. what if this is some act of god or whatever higher power there is? what if god gave pepper to us because he knew she was going to get sick and he knew that we had the resources to care for her and make her better? what if he knew her previous owners wouldn't have even noticed until it was too late? I did take her in within 24 hours of her acting differently. what if we have what it takes to cure our dear pepper, and he knew this? what if this is for the better? what if everything's going to be fine in the end because we'll give her all the love and comfort and medication she needs to get better?

napping with daddy
and with that idea stamped into my head, pepper's gotten significantly better. I'd say friday afternoon there was already a drastic change. megan, scotty, and my dad did an amazing job taking care of her for the day because that night she was already back to her active and playful self nipping at everyone's feet and hopping all over the place. It's definitely relieving. especially since I feel chris and I have been doing a horrible job keeping up with the schedule. my only concern is if she's eating enough. she looks so scrawny now, it's disheartening. she's just skin and bones. chris called the vet on saturday and let him know our concern. once he told her that pepper hasn't had diarrhea or vomited since we started her on meds on thursday, she became very optimistic and excited. she also granted us to double the food portions we feed her. although, I still don't think she's getting enough. all day she goes over to the pantry where I keep her food and whine and look at me with sad little starving eyes. we're taking ginger in tonight for a check up and to renew her shots so we're going to try to sneak pepper in so they can give her a quick look and give us some advice.

bedtime with big sister.
but overall, you wouldn't be able to tell she's got parvo or even sick if she didn't look so skinny. it makes me so happy how active she is again. she runs up the stairs and will slowly hop down. she goes in and our the doggie door. she and ginger play and get along well. and she still cuddles. so I have high hopes. I've had a lot of people tell me they had puppies that passed from parvo and they didn't act near how pepper acts, so that's comforting. we'll see what the vet says tonight.


sick puppy

pepper's got parvo. the adorable puppy we got less than a week ago, that we've already fallen in love with, is sick. we're pretty confident that since the person I got her from didn't give pepper her shots yet, that pepper got it from one of the girl's other dogs. because both ginger and cheyenne (the two dogs we've exposed her to) have had their parvo shots.

sick puppy. :(
I noticed wednesday evening that she wasn't acting her usual self. I know I've only had her a few days and all, but I could tell something was wrong. sunday, monday, and tuesday she was very playful and active. she would chase ginger around and play tug of war with you. she would follow you every where and nip at your feet. she'd hop around like a little spotted bunny rabbit. she was a puppy. wednesday evening she was lazy. didn't move much. she looked sad - kinda how you'd look when you just don't feel good and don't feel like doing anything. and I noticed a change in her poop. it was a little runnier and looked mucus-y. I thought maybe it was just the change in food. or since it was later in the day, maybe she was just sleepy - played too much during the day. maybe she just had a puppy cold. but she started vomiting mucus-y-looking stuff and I thought the food was making her sick. she refused to eat, not even treats, and she barely drank any water. by thursday I was worried and told chris I wanted to take her to the vet to at least get her shots. I was planning on taking her friday after my dentist appointment. although I was going to pay attention to her behavior to see if she gets worse or better. I was concerned, but didn't think it was anything serious.

I googled local vets to get some numbers I could call to set up an appointment. at the bottom of one vet site, there were links to pages with addition information on common issues. one of them was "parvo in puppies." I wasn't really sure what parvo was, so I clicked on it. I'm glad I did, because I only read a few lines before I was 95% confident that that's what she had. vomiting, diarrhea, lethargy, and not eating where the symptoms - the exact symptoms pepper had! I immediately texted chris saying "what if pepper's got parvo?" and not more than a minute later chris replied with "we can go now."

two things I found odd: (1) it was only 1:50. we get off at 2:30(ish) and I knew chris had a lot of work to get done that day and he told me earlier that morning that he probably have to work late. and (2)he replied within seconds. again, I knew chris was super busy and when he's super busy, he doesn't reply back. which is understandable of course. so I really started to freak out. did chris agree with me? when I got to his office I asked what he thought. he said he made an appointment that evening at 6 with a vet. he thought it was parvo too.

we went to the vet and they took a fecal test and it indeed came back positive for parvo. although, it was a "weak" positive. the vet explained that there's a dark blue dot where they put the sample and if another dot appears then it's positive. the darkness or lightness of the dot indicates the severity. pepper's dot was a rather light blue. they told us we had two options: hospitalize her there for 3 days/nights for almost $2,000 or take her home and give her a home treatment (strict diet and medication schedule) for about $300. we decided to treat her at home. that way we can continue to give her love and support and make her as comfortable as possible. so now it's time for operation: get pepper healthy again.

I'm hoping, praying, I'm right about this one. because I don't know if I can handle losing her. I have to thank my family millions for helping out though. the vet gave us a strict schedule of when to feed her, how much to feed her, and when to give her medications and we had to start today. well, since we both work, my family is amazing enough to step in and care for her for the day while we're at work. especially thanks to megan - it's her birthday weekend and I first ruined her birthday dinner at mint thai (by not being able to make it before it closed since we took pepper to the vet) and then having her take care of my sick puppy. but also thanks to my dad and brother. couldn't do it without you and I don't know if I can show you my appreciation. because of you guys, we have a chance - pepper has a chance. so thanks.

I'll keep you all updated and I ask for your prayers. I know she's just a puppy, but she's like family to us.


runaway bride

for a while, my life was hectic. I seemed to always be running somewhere, signing papers for our house, buying furniture, visiting family, celebrating chris's graduation and so. and I felt like I was always looking forward to or stressing about something: moving into our house, basketball games (whhhhyyyy god why?!), getting a new puppy. but all of the sudden I feel my life is at a standstill. we're moved into our house. the suns season is over and therefore basketball season is over to me. (I should care about who wins the playoffs but I'm just not ready to move on.) and we got pepper. there's no more big monumental events coming up that I'm excited about or dreading. I feel like my life suddenly got so boring.

but what's worst, is that the reality of the fact that I have the free time now to "plan" my wedding is sinking in.
uuuuggggh. ever time I think about it, I feel overwhelmed with the things that need to get done which in turns makes me dread the process all together. sure, girls are supposed to be ecstatic and embrace the wedding planning process. so why am I dreading it?

I'm not really sure to be honest. but it probably has something to do with this sick feeling in my stomach I get every time I think about getting married. a feeling that is all too familiar and that I've been trying to avoid for the last six months or so. the one that when the fire is lit, it engulfs my heart in flames. doubt. I hate him. we are absolute enemies. he is the sole reason so much pain and heartache that has driven me crazy in the past. he stalked me during my sophomore year of college and I allowed him into my head which really made my life take a plunge. grades dropped and the waterfall of tears seemed never ending. and he always reminds me the same damn thing: "you and chris are not going to last. you'll most likely end up in divorce." I don't know why he comes back during the worst times. hell we just bought a house! why are you knocking at my door? I can't let you in. I'm in a contract binding chris and I together.

thing is, doubt came into my life early in chris and mine's relationship and he refused to leave for years. he's the reason for so many nights of breakdowns, meltdowns, sobbing to the point where I can't breathe, crying myself to sleep, and causing chris much grief and misery as well. he made me a negative, hateful person. I hate what doubt did to me. it ultimately drove chris and mine's relationship to the ground.

then last year, after my tata passed away, I made a commitment to myself that I was going to do better with my life. life is too short. I wasn't going to let anything bring me down anymore. and I was going to finally get that bastard doubt out of my head. I was going to improve my life and myself. but I ended up giving into doubt's words anyways and broke up with chris. although, that break we had was so good for us because it gave me the time and resources I needed to grow up and realize my life can't be controlled by doubt or fear or depression (other enemies of mine). and when chris and I got back together, things were better than ever because I didn't open the door for doubt anymore. I wasn't fooled that things were wrong in our relationship. I was happy.

but doubt must've snuck through the dog door or something because here I am facing him again. I try my hardest to push him away, but he's a persistent little bastard. I try to convince myself that things are going great and we'll be able to work out our problems soon enough. but now that I'm face with the reality that I should start planning my wedding, not only does doubt keep talking in my ear, but here comes fear too. fear that maybe I am just headed for divorce. fear that we won't be able to work out our issues. fear that I'm going to hurt him again. fear that maybe I'm still not ready to get married.

I'm hoping this weekend will help me get excited about planning my wedding again. I hope it will lock fear and doubt out of my house and let me move on with my life. my bridesmaids (tracy, nell, megan, and tea) are coming over for a mary kay makeover thing I won online. maybe they'll give me reassurance and confidence. I'm hoping I'll feel better about everything without actually having to address it. because I gotta get this bus moving. we've still gotta book the venue. there's so much I need to do. I feel so overwhelmed that I just want to go to the aj court to just have a quick civil ceremony with just two witnesses. or maybe run off to elope somewhere. just get the dang thing over with.

but I still fear that doubt is right about everything. I mean, if he keeps coming back after all these years, could he be right? 


annoyance of the day: chris-less mornings

chris is out of the town for half of the week at some conference in phoenix. sure phoenix is only a 45-60 minute drive from our house so theoretically he should be able to drive home every night, but I'm not sure if his car would be able to handle the driving back and forth. so I'm stuck at home. with a dog and a new puppy. I feel like a single mother of two. this is what my morning consists of:
  • try not to trip over ginger (who has to beat you down the stairs) as I rush to get pepper outside as soon as she wakes up so she can do her "thang"
  • pour myself a cup of coffee
  • wash face, get dressed, apply makeup
  • let pepper back in
  • sip some coffee
  • "no pepper, don't chew on the table/couch/rug/cord/etc"
  • give pepper something to chew on while I try to enjoy my coffee and "breakfast" (which just consists of a couple handfuls of cereal) and read some of my book
  • rip the bottom of my pant leg out of pepper's mouth
  • pry the throw blanket out of pepper's mouth
  • make sure each dog has their own food (adult healthy balance diet for ginger and puppy healthy growth for pepper)
  • make my lunch
  • make sure ginger has plenty of water
  • see why pepper is whining
  • make sure towel is clean/dry in pepper's crate (which is upstairs in my room)
  • give ginger a bone
  • take ginger's bone away for being mean to pepper
  • refill pepper's water bowl & food bowl in her crate
  • get stuff together for work
  • "ginger get out of there"
  • try to put shoes on while pepper chews on them
  • find and put toys or something for pepper to chew on in her crate
  • give ginger attention so she doesn't feel left out
  • take pepper outside again
  • wait for her to do her business
  • find treats to give to pepper for doing her business outside
  • give ginger a treat for always doing her business outside
  • turn off coffee pot
  • go back upstairs to brush coffee teeth
  • stop ginger from drinking out of toilet
  • make sure all doors are locked (back door, bedroom balcony doors, garage doors)
  • put pepper in her crate
  • find cd's to take for the drive
  • rush back upstairs to stop pepper from whining by remembering to put a sheet over the crate
  • leave for work
all this while constantly keeping an eye on pepper to make sure she stays out of trouble and having to rush up and down the stairs is exhausting. it's so much easier when chris is there with me to help out in some way or another. and I always feel so rushed. I wake up an hour before I have to leave for work and I'm convinced that some my minutes go missing. sure I could get up earlier, but it's hard to get yourself out of bed at 3 in the morning. especially when you were just awake at 1 am to let pepper out.

I already feel exhausted this week and it's only tuesday.


dog problems

my dear pepper is in the biting phase of being a puppy. I think her original owner failed to mention that part to me. she's constantly nipping at ginger (which she is not a fan of) and your feet. I used to be able to run up the stairs to get away from her, but she quickly learned how to get up those. although she's not so great at getting down yet.

it's like taking care of a baby. except you let it pee/poop in the dirt rather than change its diaper. I wake up multiple times in the night to rush her downstairs and make sure she goes pee outside and not inside. I have to find ways to get her to stop whining and to just go to sleep. I can tell it's driving chris nuts, but I'm ok with it.

he was is so stressed that she's gonna chew everything and ruin the house while we're gone. but things are gonna work out. my mom, who works not more than a mile away from our house, is willing to stop by during her lunch break and on her way home from work to let her out of her crate for a bit and go to the bathroom if needed. it'll help a lot.

puppies are awesome. my family loves her. they love playing with her and watching the silly puppy things she does. like tripping over herself. or chewing on a bone the same size as her. or trying to carry a shoe across the room. or just cuddling up.

I don't regret getting a puppy. but then again it's only been a couple of days. but it makes me so happy to have something I can take care of and loves to cuddle with me. ginger liked to cuddle, sure, but if she'd always choose chris over me. now I have my own. and couldn't be happier.

chris spoils me. he sure can be a great guy sometimes. but we still have our problems. especially when it comes to communication. I want to go to a couples counseling to see if someone can help us learn to communicate effectively with each other. but we just "haven't gotten around to it yet." hmm. new operation perhaps? operation: get chris to talk to me. I'll have to get into that another time though. puppy needs me.

summer is in the air

I've always told people that 'fall' is my favorite time of year because of all the warm colors in the trees and the weather is near perfect and being able to wear cute scarves. but there's really not much of a 'fall' here in the lovely state of arizona. the trees don't really change orange and red - unless you're up north. the weather's been more hot than near perfect. and I can't really wear cute scarves to work.

and I've never been a fan of spring. until this year. this year we got a shitload of rain. and it made everything bloom. I've never seen so many different kinds of flowers in my life. and the drive to work was always green and beautiful. but I believe this year was just a fluke. so I can't really declare it my favorite time of year either.

and I hate the cold. absolutely hate it. it makes me sleepy and unproductive. and I'm such a wuss so I always have to layer on clothing in order to be somewhat warm. my layers start when it's like 60 out - that's how much of a wuss I am. during the winter, I seriously will wear 4-5 layers. not just shirts/sweaters, but I'll even double up on pants and socks. I just hate winter.

so that leaves summer. eeuuugggh. summer in arizona, I'm convinced, is almost like living on the sun itself. 110-120 degree weather? for real? sure it's not humid, but 110 degrees is 110 degrees. it's hot as hell. but yet, something about summer makes me happy. it's definitely not the weather. maybe it's because it's when you don't have school for 3 months. but I'm out of school now. no more 3 months of freedom/laziness. maybe it's the cute summery dresses and shorts and tank tops that come out during the summer. they definitely make me happy but only on weekends since that's the only time I don't have to follow a dress code.

the best part of summer is the pool. aaahhh the pool. as a kid, I loved the pool my parents had installed in our backyard. my brother and I would go swimming all the time. in high school I didn't go as much because I didn't want to get my hair wet or thought it was too cold. in college I simply wasn't close to home. so this is one of my first summers in a long time that I'm able to fully enjoy and take advantage of the pool. and we've been over to go swimming every day since my dad refilled/"remodeled" it. and this weekend I even tried getting the new pup used to the water (fyi: thinking of naming her pepper - she's spunky with a spicy attitude and has speckles all over her nose and mouth). ginger's also been able to work off some of those pounds she gained at chris's brother's the last 5 months. the water is perfect. and I've been able to spend some quality time with my family still. it's gonna be a great summer.

now I just need one of these and I'll be in complete bliss.


I win

after much coaxing (aka pouting) chris finally agreed to at least go look at the puppy. once he saw her, he caved.

"no don't take my picture"
looks like operation: new dog puppy has been accomplished. I rock at these operations. our family feels complete.

we're not sure what to name her yet. we figured we'll see what kind of personality comes out in the next couple of days and then decide. we're thinking either 'cayenne' if she's a feisty one or 'rosemary' (aka: 'rosie') if she's a sweetheart. so we'll see.


juuuuust kidding.

figures. chris sure is the king of crushing down my dreams and stomping on them then lighting them on fire.

sooo close

did my daily browsing of craigslist for operation: new very young but well-trained puppy and came across an absolute cutie.

puppy of the day

omg she is precious! absolutely. she's 6 weeks old. crate-trained. and only $75! I wasted no time in email it to chris to see if he approves. and he did! he even gave me the ok to write the owner to ask to meet her! soooo I did. turns out, the person lives in glendale. eek! at least an hour and five minute drive. buut she's sooo cute! and ginger needs a friend. and don't find too many adorable pups like her. even though I show many "puppies of the day" not many of them do I absolutely love. so I'm hoping chris will be ok driving so far to meet and possibly take her home.

I feel so close to completing this operation. but trying not to get my hopes up too high that I'm devastated when shit hits the fan or things don't work out. now would the perfect time to get a puppy though. since we don't have too much going on yet (other than unpacking) and we don't have a tv - our evenings once we get home are pretty empty. and a new puppy could fill the time easily. plus maybe I can talk my dad into going by the house every once in a while to check up on her.

I'll keep you posted.


annoyance of the day: obvious

today has sucked so far and I couldn't quite decide what was annoying me the most today. and since I already did a post on b-dogs, I've opted for the word "obvious." it's a stupid word and I wanna punch those who chose to use it. it's pointless. if it's so "obvious," then wouldn't I already know? and if I don't, then you're just making me feel stupid for not knowing something so "obvious."

b-dog overuses the word "obvious." I'm not even sure if he even realizes how much he uses the word. "obviously we won't have the pads rinsing this month." duh. "obviously this is as far as we can get without the mine plan." you think? "obviously blah blah blah." yeah I get it since it's obvious. I think it's safe to say about 90% of the "obvious" stuff he told me today was obvious and I already knew. 

stop wasting my time by saying something that is obvious. it's obvious because everyone already knows it. according to the merriam-webster, obvious is something that is "easily discovered, seen, or understood." I'm a fucking engineer. I know sometimes I don't feel like I am, but I did go to college. and therefore I do understand the basics - aka: all the "obviouses" - of forecasting and dump leach and sx flows. I get it. you do not need to spend 10-15 minutes explaining the "obvious" to me. because it's already fucking obvious!

on another note. now that we're all moved into our new house (YAY!!) I'm not giving up on operation: new dog. ginger needs someone to play with while we're at work all day. it's just cruel leaving her there all by herself.

puppy of the day: ain't he a cutie?

probably too young for chrisy-poo.

awesome: coming back to my office after a day with my boss (shoot me now) to find a box of gobstoppers on my desk from a coworker
lame: having to spend a day with your boss following him around while he does his own shit.