the results of stress and lack of communication

not only is it hard when your significant other doesn't find the need to discuss important issues or feelings with you, but it's so difficult when he doesn't confide in you when he's stressed out. this is my life. I've been getting used to the fact that chris won't talk to me about things or what he's thinking or feeling and such, but it hurts when something bothers him and he doesn't give me the opportunity to try to help him.

he's been stressed at work. waay stressed. we work at the mine, which is starting production again, and he's in charge of short-range planning. short-range planning is the planning of day by day - deciding how many tons will be hauled each day and where it will be hauled to. (as opposed to long-range planning which is determining how many tons will be hauled/processed on a year by year basis.) here's the issues I find:

1. he just graduated from college - pretty much brand new
2. he's never done short-range planning before

so I had an idea that he's a little stressed out. but he never talks to me about his tasks at work and if they are stressing him out or anything. so I didn't know how bad it was.

because I'm sure I wasn't making it any easier. if I had known, I would try harder to not nag as much. if I had known I would have urged him to get more sleep. if I had known, maybe what happened thursday could have been avoided. of course, I'm not sure if I could ease his stress enough to prevent what happened, but I could have tried. I didn't even know it was bad so I didn't even try. that's what hurts the most. that I could have helped, but he didn't let me.

so thursday, chris had another epileptic seizure. I was working on some spreadsheets at the sx control room (not my normal office) when I got a call from chris's boss. last time chris had a seizure, it was over a year ago - before one of his field trips for class. this is the second seizure that I've experienced with him since we've been together (almost 5 years now). both times I was not directly with him. but the commonality between his previous seizure and this one that I found:

1. he didn't sleep well the night (and/or few nights) before
2. he's really stressed out

supposedly, he had another forecast report he needed to get out by the end of the day. I know he's been stressed about the forecast, because he's been working a lot on it. each version he's given, he's gotten a lot of crap for. the manager of the mine has been giving him a lot of crap for not putting out the "right" numbers. my department (not me, but my bosses) has been putting a lot of pressure on him to put out the forecast (since our forecast is based on the mine forecast). the president of the company has even contacted him telling him his disapproval of the forecast numbers. so I knew he had to be stressed. but he never talked to me about it. and when I tried to talk to him about it, he wouldn't say much. so I didn't try to ease his stress.

it's scary when I get a call about chris having a seizure. last time it was terrifying since it was the first time I was faced with his seizures. and last time, he face planted the cement so he busted up his lip and nose so there was blood everywhere which in all in combination caused me to have a panic attack when I saw him at the hospital. so I was scared it was going to be the same. and on top of it all, it happened at work. (thank god we work at the same place.) so I get the call at work, and of course word gets around fast and everyone who doesn't know yet wants to know why I'm crying and it just turns into this mess. luckily, at the time, I wasn't thinking about all that. I was just trying to figure out how to get to my car to get to the hospital.

my boss, sam, took me to the hospital and I was more than relieved to see chris in a stable state. in fact, he looked real good. he had a bump on his head from hitting it on his desk on the way down. and a scratch on his cheek from an unknown source. but there was no blood everywhere like last time. when I got there, he took my hand and cried a little, and then he went into a deep sleep. (which I guess is normal.) I guess the doctors did a catscan (I wouldn't of known since none of the doctors or nurses told me anything) and it came out clear.

I sat next to his bed for about three hours. the most excitement was the lady in the bed next to him who was suspected to have overdosed on some percocet. a couple of times she tried to escape (which I had to get the attention of the nurses to let them know they're patient was trying to escape because they were flirting with the male paramedics). and she kept saying weird things. after three hours or so, they released him and we went home. and I'm stuck with driving him everywhere for the next six months or so. but that's ok. my main concern is trying to get him to talk to me when he's stressed out.