|copper flotation done at mines|
anyway, I've been so stressed about her, it's hard to enjoy life. I don't get any sleep because I have to rush downstairs every time pepper needs to shit and I instantly wake up when I do fall asleep only to freak out and panic and make sure pepper's still breathing. so I don't feel like doing much during the day. I hate having to leave because I should be taking care of her. and I HATE that I can only feed her 1-2 tablespoons every 2-4 hours. 1-2 tablespoons ain't shit. that's a nibble. and when she's done nibbling, she looks at you with her big dark eyes and cries for more, but you can't give her more because you know it's just going to make her vomit and have diarrhea. and I have to constantly struggle to get her to take
it's exhausting. mentally and physically. and when I get exhausted - mentally and physically - I get depressed and pessimistic and hateful and negative and yada yada yada. and I also get sick. just waiting for that to happen. but it's hard to enjoy life. some people may not understand how a puppy - that I've only had for 3 weeks - could make me so depressed. but she's like my baby. she's the closest thing I'll have to a newborn baby. and she's sick.
I've said before that I'm not really religious, but I've been praying. if pepper gets through this, I'll definitely reconsider my beliefs. all I know is, if there is a god, he has the ability to help homeless children and unfortunate families as well as sick puppies. dammit, he can do it all. he is god (for god's sake - I'm going to hell). I do want to make clear that a healthy pepper probably won't guarantee that I'll start going to church (it'll be a bitch trying to convince chris to do that one) but a healthy pepper will let me "allow" him into my life or whatever. but that's a different story. regardless, there's not much else I can do other than pray for her health. we're doing everything we can. we talk to the vet almost daily trying to get advice. and we follow their instructions as best as we can. there's not much else to do other than pray.