hopes and dreams

I think I have a major problem. well, I have a lot of problems, but that's a different story. I think my major problem is that I get my hopes up too easily. it's always caused me issues. and now is no different.

I wrote yesterday that we were going to another broker to get another appraisal - turns out that's illegal. whoops. our realtor, who has been beyond amazing thus far, wanted us to be proactive and wanted to show us another house that may interest us. we got there and she informed us that she decided enough was enough and called and informed the builder that we were walking away.

wait, what? when did we say that? oh, that's right, we didn't. we were completely blind sighted. I didn't know what to think or feel. one minute I thought we were waiting for another appraisal and the next we're not getting the house at all - by our choosing. I didn't understand. I still don't understand. and I definitely didn't appreciate that cathy (our realtor) didn't talk to us about this decision first.

we went home. I cried and freaked out. I mean I thought this second appraisal was going to work. wrong. chris and I talked. he wants to offer more money. I don't think we should pay more than it's worth. but we both don't want to give up on the house. walking around the other house with cathy, I couldn't imagine myself falling in love with another house. I couldn't feel the flow of the house and my openness feeling we had with ours was gone. I hated it. I was mad. I know there's still other houses and we just looked at one, but when you spend five months falling in love with a house and making it your own, it's going to be hard to do it all over again. I didn't want to wait for another rebuild. but at the same time, the spec homes were subpar. they had shitty upgrades. no granite countertops? really? straight and not diagonal tile? we went through so much trouble to turn the tile 90 degrees. I felt like it's going to be inevitable that I was going to be extremely picky.

the other broker guy, tim, called chris and they talked for quite some time. he told him he was going to send the appraisal to a board for them to review and decide if it should be amended. then the builder himself called chris and they talked forever. he wants it to work and wants us to still do our final walk through today. he also told us that a house that's two houses down from ours appraised for $170 - and it's not even as nice as ours (trust me, I snooped through it many times). no one knows why our house appraised for so little. but I definitely do agree that it's worth more than $148. chris thinks we should still pay more. maybe we should? the appraisers may not think it's worth more, but to us it is. to us, it's already been our home for the past 5 months. to us, it's an absolutely beautiful home in the perfect location. to us, it's priceless.

we're doing our final walk through this afternoon and possibly meeting with the builder afterwards to negotiate. so here I am again, thinking that this will work. thinking, well, if we agree on a price today, we could still move in this week. dreaming about having ginger home and sleeping in our cloud supreme. hoping it's still ours. I've already got my hopes up again which means if things fall apart again, I'm going to be devastated, again. how much heartache and stress can I take? I'm so anxious to be done with work so I can see what's going to happen - so I can know what's going to happen.

got my fingers crossed. because that's really all I can do right now.