chris is mad at me. no. worse. he's hurt by something I've done. and thing is - I had no intentions of hurting him. (who does?) I posted about our counselling on facebook and he's hurt because he feels it's no one's business. and he's right. I feel really bad. I really wasn't thinking with that one. I wish I could take it back.
but at the same time, I didn't post it to show people how unhappy I've been at times. I posted it to see if I had support from my friends. I was a little scared going into it. I mean, I'm 23 and am already in couples counselling? really? at first I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. should I be ashamed or embarrassed or is it ok? and I guess I was looking to friends to clear that up for me.
and they did. those who commented on my post made me realize that it's not a bad thing that we're in counselling. in fact, we should be proud of ourselves. because we're taking action. we're not sitting back and letting things get worse. we know something's wrong and we care about each other enough to want to fix it. I think it shows strength. I think it shows courage. yes I'm 23 and in couples counselling, but at least I'm not 53 and in couples counselling. at least I haven't spent 25 years unhappy. at least I won't have to go through an ugly divorce and have to split everything up.
I've seen (or rather, heard) so many couples fall apart because they simply give up. they give up on each other. something bad happens and they're done. they don't try to understand why the bad thing happened and what it means. they just break up or divorce. they throw away years of memories and families. they're willing to put their children through sadness and pain because they don't think something's worth fixing. come on now, shit happens. people make mistakes and will continue to make mistakes. not every one is born to be the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend. but when you care about someone deeply, you work with them to make your relationship work. and you have to exhaust all your resources.
I understand sometimes people should just break up because they aren't compatible. but things like lying, or the inability to communicate, or excessive partying are things you can fix. they are within your control. and if you're not happy about it - and the other person wants to make a change - there's no reason not to do something about it. the sooner the better. operation: get chris to communicate has gone to a whole new level. and I think it'll be worth it. I've spent too much time with him - too many lessons from him. and we have so much to look forward to if we are able to make it work. plus five years of memories and joint custody of two dogs makes it worth doing every single thing we can.
so with that being said, I am proud of us for taking charge of our lives - for refusing to move on from something great. and we're taking care of important issues before we tie the knot. because they're not going to magically disappear once we get married. we both want to live happy lives together and are doing what needs to be done in order to achieve that. although, I probably didn't need to make it as public as I did. telling close friends and family would have been sufficient and kept chris from being upset. whoops.
I'll have to discuss how I feel about our first session some other time (without giving too many details of course). for now: one day at a time.