the wedding march

Marriage. Oh marriage. There's some people who don't believe in marriage thinking it's pointless to make things official. They're the ones who believe that just loving someone unconditionally is enough to prove you want to spend the rest of their life with you. And then there's people who believe in the thought of marriage and think they're ready. They're the ones who think that two or three months (or anything less than a year) is all it takes to know someone. They also get divorce two or three months later.

I'm neither of those types of people. I think marriage is the union between two people who can't live without each other and who can live in peace with each other. Because you can't just marry someone you can't imagine your life without - you also have to be sure you can stand them and all their tendencies and quirks. I think a lot of people forget that. They get all caught up in the idea and initial sparks that come from a new relationship. I know so many people who rush into marriage after a short period of time of "complete happiness." Sorry, that's not enough for me. I want complete shittiness with someone before I marry them. I want to go through hard times because if you can get through a downfall with someone and they stick with you through it - I think they're worth it. Because if you get married and then you realize that they're not going to be there for you through tough times or be there to work things out with you - then you're either unhappy for the rest of your life or you're a divorcee. In some ways, I'm glad the past year happened because it really showed me the kind of guy Chris is and that his dedication to me wasn't as strong as mine was for him.

With that being said, I wouldn't want someone to proposed to me until we've been together for at least 4 years. I think this is long enough to really get an idea of the type of person he is. And I think four years gives plenty of time for those shitty downs that will really test our relationship and love. I think after being engaged with someone and it not working out has really made me more cautious when it comes to rushing things. I want to make sure the person I marry is not going to be the same person I divorce. I want to be 100% confident that he'll be there when I need him most and that he'll be there to catch my back. I have to know that I can trust him with my heart and the rest of my life before I give it to him. And I really don't think it's possible to know that in less than 4 years.

I think it's safe to say that around 75% of my high school class has gotten married since we've graduated. That's a lot. Especially since we're 22-23 years young. Gosh, we are so young. Why rush into marriage? We have so much to live for. And I know a lot of those people are in love and will spend the rest of their lives with that person, but I also know a lot of those people probably shouldn't be married yet. You can't love someone if you don't love yourself. And you can't marry someone and if you can't take care of and live by yourself. I wish all my married friends and aquaintences the best of luck, but that's just not me. I don't want to rush into someone so important and life changing. I want to take my time and make sure I make the right decision. Because I don't believe in divorce.

Since I'm on the topic of marriage, every girl dreams of an extravagant wedding. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a big, glorious wedding with the princess gown and flowers and candles everywhere. But if I had the choice between an expensive, extravagant wedding and an expensive, extravagant ring - I'd chose the ring hands down. Your wedding day is just that - a day. You have to capture the moments with pictures and memories. The ring - that'll last forever. You will look down at your hand and see it every day of your life. I dream of the perfect ring - it has to be sparkly. Very sparkly. The size isn't really that important - as long as it's sparkly. And I want little diamonds surrounding it. I just want it to be gorgeous. I want everyone to be jealous and gasp when I show them. :-) I don't think it's spoiled of me to ask - I don't ask/want diamonds and jewelry every anniversary or occassion. I want thoughtful gifts for those. I just want the perfect ring.