Last of Days

Holy ba-jeezus, has this trip back home been memorable. Not only did all these amazing things happen in the past week, but I've been a whirlwind of emotions. While "trying" to clean my room today, I came across so many old things - poems, letters, journals, pictures - to remind me of my high school days. OH MY GOD - my high school days - FOUR YEARS AGO! Looking over these things showed me how much I've grown (kinda) but it also just brought back so many memories. It's sad. It's crazy.

I especially found it funny when I was reading through old journals. My "relationship" with Derrick and how much of a joke it kinda was. And then reading about the things I wrote about Chris Henry and my enormous crush on him. Haha - I would write about all the little things he did and how I construed them to be "sweet" and "thoughtful" - I guess that's never changed about me. But then I would write how frustrated I was that he had his girlfriend and yet he still "flirted" with me. Haha. I realized I didn't write much on TJ except when he "broke up" with me. Although I did come across several poems about him. I can't believe how many poems I wrote back then and the ridiculous metaphors I used. I wrote about heartbreak which to me is hard to believe since I didn't experience it in higschool. What happened with TJ was fun but so short that it was impossible for me to fall in love with him. I maybe have been crazy and lustful for him, but love? No. I wrote about loss of friendships (or friendship rather). I wrote about random ass things. I even wrote about some things that I can't remember who it's about and why I wrote it. But I still have my very first poem I ever wrote (in 6th grade maybe?). We went outside and were assigned to write about something we saw. I remember sitting with Tracy (& possibly Kassie) on the little wall that surrounds a tree and seeing someone's thrown out french fry. Here it is:

Lying there on
the rocky surface
shrivelling up
like a dried apple
lying there all alone
sad and desperate
for someone to eat him,
that poor little fry

Hahahaha. It cracks me up. So emo-ish in a way. Haha. But I think the poem I wrote that brought back the most emotions is one I titled, The Jaded Truth, which was about TJ. It reminded me of the awesome-ness of our "relationship" and the first date he took me on and how it's still, to this date, the best first date I ever had. (So what if I only had 3?) He took me to Saguaro Lake during the sunset. Beautiful! And it also reminded me how stupid I was for getting so upset and "heartbroken" when he ended things. It made sense. He lived in Mesa & I was just about to move to Tucson. It's a major Duh.

It's fun: remembering my first job at Domino's. I wish I had access to my old pics (I think they're on my desktop which is currently out of commission) to show how much fun we had. I wish I could go back sometimes, to the first time I worked at Domino's. I had some pretty crazy times there. It really opened me up and allowed me to be myself. I remember standing on one end of the make-line while Chris Henry was on the other. He would toss pizzas to me to see if I can catch them. I remember me, Mark, and Chris Henry trying to see how fast we can make a pizza. I remember Adam and Chris Henry putting hot sauce on the pizza for the guy who called me a bitch (I didn't do anything wrong of course, just stupid unhappy people taking it out on the girl on the phone). I remember Terry running around shouting and clapping to keep everyone on their toes during rush hour. I remember meeting TJ for the first time and our make-out session behind the dough trays while Chris Henry and Mark tried to spray us with the sink hose. I remember working late nights with my boys. I remember a doodle TJ drew that he gave to me. I tried looking for it, but I think I eventually threw it away to help me "get over" him. I remember so much craziness and awesomeness. I loved it. I miss it. I miss my boys.

Although I didn't get to hang out with all my boys, I did get to hang out with Chris Henry & TJ the other night. 
We went to some bar where I got some blue delicious drink that totally did its toll on me. We hung out until it closed, catching up on so much (considering it's been over three years since Chris Henry or myself have seen TJ), and laughing alot (I of course almost laughed about everything since I laugh a lot when I've been drinking). I was definitely drunk by the end of the night - I spilled TJ's beer and my own drink during the night. We then 
went back to TJ's apartment and watched South Park and hung out some more. It was a good time. It was nice getting to hang out with old friends. It was also nice since I kinda got to TJ about the true reason as to why he ended things 3 years earlier. (Damn innocence.) And of course, as it always is, it was great hanging out with Chris Henry. 

Plus it's nice to hang out with people you know will take care of you and not let you do stupid things - for the most part. They won't let you get crazy ass, pass out drunk. And that's what I lack in T-Town. I wish I didn't have to go back. Stupid stupidness.

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thanks for taking the time to add some input and love :)