just what i needed

This weekend - was AH-MAZING. TJ - John helped me bring down my new bed and spent the night/day with me. We didn't really do anything exciting but just hung out. We did a lot of talking...rather he did a lot of talking. But I don't mind. It was super nice. It was awesome just being able to listen for once rather than doing all the talking (which was always the case with Chris). He told me so much about his childhood and the different places he grew up. He explained to me the shitty-ness of one of his ex-girlfriends - his first true "love" - and the craziness of their relationship. He talked about his brother & sister and how they got to the place they are now. He talked about a lot of things that I don't think he even expected to reveal to me already. And then I felt so bad because he even started crying a bit when he started talking about his dad and how he hasn't seen him since he was like 13. I'm not sure why he brought it up though if he was so emotional about it. I told him to stop wasting time and to just go see his dad. There's no reason why he shouldn't.

We also watched a movie (after realizing you can't use a phone number at Blockbuster) - got some lunch at Casa Molina - goofed around - and I even made him dinner. :-) I made him my family's famous tuna casarole - which he enjoyed as much as he could (he had an upset stomach from some Jack in the Box he ate the other night). But it was just nice hanging out with him. And amazing waking up next to him. :-)

We also discuss our "status". He told me he hated me for seeing him cry & that I was the second girl to see him cry - but the first to see him cry about something he cared about (I guess his ex would say nasty things to push his buttons). He also made it clear that he was scared because he knew he was caring about me. He said after his psycho ex - he just stopped giving a shit. & his more recent exes he just didn't give a shit about - to an extent of course - like he wouldn't care if they hung out with guys. But he said that with me, he does care and worries when I hang out with other guys. And he's not sure what that means. And I guess I also freaked him out/worried him Friday night because he texted me & I told him I was driving through Florence and he tried texting me but I didn't reply. So he called me to make sure I was still alive. Thing was I didn't get the messages until like half an hour or so later (phone issues). He says he's scared that he's gonna hurt me. Again, with his psycho ex, when they fought, they would say nasty, hurtful things, and he said that he doesn't want that to happen with me. And I told him, I wouldn't give him a reason to do that. I'm not crazy. I have a direction in my life I'm heading towards. I don't do meth (like his psycho ex). And I basically give my heart to the one I'm with. I do whatever it takes to make them happy.

So, it seemed like the day was filled with him fighting with himself about our "status". It seems like he wants to be in a relationship with me, but just too scared. Of what exactly, I don't know. But I can tell I'm getting to him. He tells me all the things he likes about me. Calls my eyes "fire eyes" (because they're yellow in the middle - the hottest part - & green around the edges - the coolest part). Likes that I'm a dork and thinks I'm cute. Tells me all these camping spots he wants to take me and tells me he wants to teach me hunting. And now, since I gave him such an awesome weekend, he's gonna plan something special for my birthday - including...drumroll...our first official date. :-) I'm so excited. If it's anything like our first first date (back in 2005ish) - it should be AH-MAZING. (First time we went out, he took me to Saguaro Lake to watch the sunset.) So we'll see where that goes.