believe in me

I haven't written in a while because life has given me a couple of challenges to overcome within the past few weeks. I won't go into details, but I've been forced to take a closer look at my values and morals and beliefs. I've had to chose when the right time to put my foot down is when it comes to what I believe in. And I've had to find the energy to move on.

We had a thief going through our offices. Someone who was stealing money. And we had an idea who it was. The supervisors and I got what most people would think is enough evidence against the individual and turned it into HR. Our HR reps then conducted an "investigation." It was at this time, that I realized for the first time in my life, that HR does not fight for their employees. Instead, they fight for the company.

I'm sure a lot of you are thinking, "well, yeah, duh." but I had more trust in the company that I worked for. And especially for the people that work down the hall from me. They didn't even bother fighting for us. They just gave in. Brought the thief back to work. No penalty. Nothing.

I was angry. I was upset. I was disgusted. How can I work for a company that feels comfortable bringing a thief back into the workforce? How can they think it's right to force everyone else to take extra precautions and lock up their lunches & offices because of one individual that we know is guilty of stealing? What kind of morals do these people have?

I had a lot of thinking to do during the past couple of weeks. A lot of deep thinking - the exhausting kind. The kind that drains you emotionly and tears you apart. I couldn't believe what was happening. I put trust in others and it comes back to bite me in the ass. What did I ever do wrong?

I found myself questioning my morals and values. I even contemplated quitting my job. I thought that maybe me quitting, or threatening to quit, would make them realize what they were doing was wrong. They were bringing back a thief. We had proof. I don't want to work for a company that doesn't fight for their employees.

If you watch the Glee Project like I do, then you should know this week Cameron (my fave!) didn't get kicked off, but rather chose to leave. WHY?! he was so talented and relatable and adorable! but he didn't feel like he could put his beliefs aside and act character that is "sexable." I'm sure there's other reasons, but this was the jist of the episode.

It got me thinking back to my situation though. Should I quit my job because they didn't have the same beliefs I did? I asked myself, if I were Cameron would I have quit because I was told to kiss someone? and I was easily able to answer no. Because a job is a job. you do it to make a living. As long as I stuck to my beliefs and knew what my morals were, I would be ok acting a character who may not have the same beliefs. Because that's the job.

So did I quit? No. Because I know that all the supervisors here and the rest of the crew out on the floor, back me up. They are just as angry as I am. It doesn't make sense why our own HR reps would do what they're doing (I could understand corporate, but our own people?) but I've had to accept the fact that HR only looks at the costs to the company. I know what my beliefs and morals are. And I know that the actual human beings that I work with on a daily basis have the same morals as I do.

just another manic monday

I hate Mondays (who doesn't) and I usually try to take it easy Mondays at work to allow myself to recover from the weekend (not the hard-partying recovering, but more the try-to-get-as-much-done-as-you-can-on-your-only-two-days-off-and-still-see-family-and-catch-up-on-favorite-tv-shows-and-get-adequate-sleep kind of recovering). however, with my new responsibilities at work comes less time "take it easy" at work - which is probably the reason why I've felt soo exhausted the past couple of weeks that I have NO energy to do anything let alone work out (thank god I still have 5 months until San Diego).

as I was sitting in my morning meeting today, and filling line after line in my planner, I realized I have a shit load to do today. bummers. (guess no close-the-door-nap). but out of the 16 things I needed to do today, I completed 12 of them, and started 2 of them.



yeeeaaaaaah booooooiiiy.
I am THE SHIT.



and now my day is over. amazing. I know.

when I grow up...

how I got from wanting to be a teacher to being a metallurgist.

as a kid, I remember wanting to be a teacher. I'm not really sure why, but so did my best friends at the time, so it seemed fitting.

when I was really young (and I mean really) I remember getting (or maybe my brother got it) this little magazine titled "WEATHER" in the mail. (I think it was a bonus issue for being a subscriber of "wild animals" or whatever that magazine was called.) I would look through that thing and study it until the pages fell apart. and then I still browsed through the lone pages. I remember matching the clouds in the sky to their names in the "cloud" section. I remember reading about tornadoes and cyclones. that was my favorite magazine and the start of my weather fascination. (I think I still have it somewhere too.)  so when I got into middle school, I wanted to be a meteorologist. not the kind that's on the news and is wrong 80% of the time, but the kind who studies storms and chases them. my mom always thought I was crazy since I have an intense fear of the wind, but that's what I wanted to do for a long time. I loved the weather.

when junior and senior year of high school came along and we were told by the career counselor that we needed to find a major to apply to college, I still had meteorology on my mind. I looked at colleges that offered a bachelor's in meteorology. to my disappointment, I only found a few, University of Florida being one of them. I had no desire to go to Florida. I wanted to stay instate. or at least a-days-worth-of-driving-back-home-state.

so how did I get from meteorology to chemical engineering? after realizing that you needed a masters to be a meteorologist, I returned back to the white board. I remember looking through this monstrous book (at the "recommendation" of our counselor) senior year. I don't remember how I came across chemical engineering, but I did and it made me think of making household products, like windex and pine-sol. I thought that sounded fun and always thought it would be cool to be a part of the process of manufacturing products every one uses every day.

so then, how did I get from chemical engineering to metallurgy? I still dreamed of making cooler and greener household products when sophomore summer of college came along and my boyfriend (chris, who just switched from civil engineering to mining engineering) was able to score an internship close to my parent's house. back then, the mining industry was a lot more laxed than it is now (or maybe it was just that company) so he told the HR rep:

"I'll work for you if you get my girlfriend an internship too."

I thoroughly enjoyed my internship and found the mining industry completely fascinating. the process of making copper was amazing. but I still wanted to try to get internships in the other chemical engineering fields: processing and oil. the next summer came along and I went to the job fairs and distributed my resumes to proctor and gamble and exxon and such and heard nothing. thing is: processing and oil are in an abundance of chemical engineers since the majority chem e's going into those fields. so these companies were a lot more strict with their applicants. not that I had poor grades or anything, but compared to my classmates who lived and breathed chemical engineering, I had no luck. mining, on the other hand, were ecstatic to have chemical engineers apply and paid little attention to grades. and then I realized that once I get in the mining industry, which I already was at that point, getting other internships was a breeze. I was able to score three internships out of the four summers I was in college which isn't common for my classmates (the first chris got for me, the other two I was able to get myself). then while the rest of my classmates were struggling to find jobs and eventually succumbing to grad school as graduation creeped up, I got a job as a metallurgist. (a metallurgist is like a chemical engineer but focuses more on metals, minerals and mining where as a chemical engineer is more broad. most of the classes coincide with each other.)

so that's how I got to where I am today. I had to remind myself because this week has been so hectic and frustrating it had me questioning why I chose this profession in the first place.

quote of the moment:

"a person can only eat an elephant one bite at a time. 

holding him down for the first leg is the hardest part."

-a coworker

how far [I've] come

earlier this week, January 11th, to be exact, a monumental moment in my life occurred. no chris didn't have some ephiphiny and started acting like a boyfriend to me again. a moment I didn't expect to arrive so soon in my journey. a moment that opens a new chapter.

I got my white hard hat.

TADA!

why is this so significant you ask? well, let me explain.

when you become a new hire for the company I work at (freeport mcmoran) you get a red hard hat. the red hard hat sygnifies that you are a new employee. it's basically a red flag warning your coworkers to beware of your presence. because every one knows new employees are the dumbest and most careless. that's actually not true. I'm being sarcastic. but that is what it means. after a year of employment, you graduate to a white hard hard. yay!

this means a lot to me, not only because of the fact that I don't like red and I don't like wearing a big red hat to act as a caution sign, but because I have worked a full year. I have learned enough from college to start a career. no more minimum-wage-dealing-with-people jobs. no more internships that last for a few months. and no more part-time jobs where I don't have any opportunities. I have a career. I am an adult. I have accomplished something not too many people my age, where I come from, have been able to. I am very lucky. I am very blessed.

can I say "ew"? because ew.

I am no longer the "newbie." I am the youngest, salary paid employee at this site. and even though I have the plague of being an "engineer," I have gained my coworkers' trust. I may not be very helpful with information yet, but maybe in another year, I'll be the technical support they need. so this week, I retire my ugly, annoying, red hard hat. 

annoyance of the day: person I work with

uuuggggghhh! not only do you ramble on forever about things no one cares about but you can also be a dick. you complain that there's a lack of communication in this company yet you don't mention to another coworker that someone else gave you the information you asked from him. instead of making a quick call to say, "hey, so-and-so got me those drawings," you wait until you (fortunately for him) pass him crawling on the ground around a tank looking for a label. then instead of apologizing for not telling him, you laugh and try to be funny. how rude. no wonder no one here respects you. (except your master of course.)

how I feel

and when I send you a file that you asked for and you decide to modify it (no surprise there because you don't seem to trust anything I do nor do you ask me to adjust it to include what you want), don't put the new file in my personal folder. why can't you just ask me to update it? I don't want your shit in my folder - especially if you're just going to add one additional calculation. just add it to the spreadsheet I sent you and save over it for god's sake. I don't need two spreadsheets with the same shit on it. and if you're going to change things because what I did wasn't right, why don't you talk to me and let me figure out why? how am I supposed to learn if you aren't giving me any opportunities? why did I waste half my day on something you're just going to do yourself anyways?

this is the second time you've been my "annoyance of the day" and I have a feeling this won't be the last. you suck. I hate how you put me on the spot by asking how I think of you as a boss. what do you expect me to say? I could vent forever but that doesn't exactly make me look good now does it? and I hate that you're only a little bit older than me and I'll have to spend my whole career with you. please move to al abra. or tenke. I don't care. just leave me alone. you're not mentoring me and you're not teaching me anything important or useful about how to do my job.

the results of stress and lack of communication

not only is it hard when your significant other doesn't find the need to discuss important issues or feelings with you, but it's so difficult when he doesn't confide in you when he's stressed out. this is my life. I've been getting used to the fact that chris won't talk to me about things or what he's thinking or feeling and such, but it hurts when something bothers him and he doesn't give me the opportunity to try to help him.

he's been stressed at work. waay stressed. we work at the mine, which is starting production again, and he's in charge of short-range planning. short-range planning is the planning of day by day - deciding how many tons will be hauled each day and where it will be hauled to. (as opposed to long-range planning which is determining how many tons will be hauled/processed on a year by year basis.) here's the issues I find:

1. he just graduated from college - pretty much brand new
2. he's never done short-range planning before

so I had an idea that he's a little stressed out. but he never talks to me about his tasks at work and if they are stressing him out or anything. so I didn't know how bad it was.

because I'm sure I wasn't making it any easier. if I had known, I would try harder to not nag as much. if I had known I would have urged him to get more sleep. if I had known, maybe what happened thursday could have been avoided. of course, I'm not sure if I could ease his stress enough to prevent what happened, but I could have tried. I didn't even know it was bad so I didn't even try. that's what hurts the most. that I could have helped, but he didn't let me.

so thursday, chris had another epileptic seizure. I was working on some spreadsheets at the sx control room (not my normal office) when I got a call from chris's boss. last time chris had a seizure, it was over a year ago - before one of his field trips for class. this is the second seizure that I've experienced with him since we've been together (almost 5 years now). both times I was not directly with him. but the commonality between his previous seizure and this one that I found:

1. he didn't sleep well the night (and/or few nights) before
2. he's really stressed out

supposedly, he had another forecast report he needed to get out by the end of the day. I know he's been stressed about the forecast, because he's been working a lot on it. each version he's given, he's gotten a lot of crap for. the manager of the mine has been giving him a lot of crap for not putting out the "right" numbers. my department (not me, but my bosses) has been putting a lot of pressure on him to put out the forecast (since our forecast is based on the mine forecast). the president of the company has even contacted him telling him his disapproval of the forecast numbers. so I knew he had to be stressed. but he never talked to me about it. and when I tried to talk to him about it, he wouldn't say much. so I didn't try to ease his stress.

it's scary when I get a call about chris having a seizure. last time it was terrifying since it was the first time I was faced with his seizures. and last time, he face planted the cement so he busted up his lip and nose so there was blood everywhere which in all in combination caused me to have a panic attack when I saw him at the hospital. so I was scared it was going to be the same. and on top of it all, it happened at work. (thank god we work at the same place.) so I get the call at work, and of course word gets around fast and everyone who doesn't know yet wants to know why I'm crying and it just turns into this mess. luckily, at the time, I wasn't thinking about all that. I was just trying to figure out how to get to my car to get to the hospital.

my boss, sam, took me to the hospital and I was more than relieved to see chris in a stable state. in fact, he looked real good. he had a bump on his head from hitting it on his desk on the way down. and a scratch on his cheek from an unknown source. but there was no blood everywhere like last time. when I got there, he took my hand and cried a little, and then he went into a deep sleep. (which I guess is normal.) I guess the doctors did a catscan (I wouldn't of known since none of the doctors or nurses told me anything) and it came out clear.

I sat next to his bed for about three hours. the most excitement was the lady in the bed next to him who was suspected to have overdosed on some percocet. a couple of times she tried to escape (which I had to get the attention of the nurses to let them know they're patient was trying to escape because they were flirting with the male paramedics). and she kept saying weird things. after three hours or so, they released him and we went home. and I'm stuck with driving him everywhere for the next six months or so. but that's ok. my main concern is trying to get him to talk to me when he's stressed out.

annoyance of the day: obvious

today has sucked so far and I couldn't quite decide what was annoying me the most today. and since I already did a post on b-dogs, I've opted for the word "obvious." it's a stupid word and I wanna punch those who chose to use it. it's pointless. if it's so "obvious," then wouldn't I already know? and if I don't, then you're just making me feel stupid for not knowing something so "obvious."

b-dog overuses the word "obvious." I'm not even sure if he even realizes how much he uses the word. "obviously we won't have the pads rinsing this month." duh. "obviously this is as far as we can get without the mine plan." you think? "obviously blah blah blah." yeah I get it since it's obvious. I think it's safe to say about 90% of the "obvious" stuff he told me today was obvious and I already knew. 

stop wasting my time by saying something that is obvious. it's obvious because everyone already knows it. according to the merriam-webster, obvious is something that is "easily discovered, seen, or understood." I'm a fucking engineer. I know sometimes I don't feel like I am, but I did go to college. and therefore I do understand the basics - aka: all the "obviouses" - of forecasting and dump leach and sx flows. I get it. you do not need to spend 10-15 minutes explaining the "obvious" to me. because it's already fucking obvious!

on another note. now that we're all moved into our new house (YAY!!) I'm not giving up on operation: new dog. ginger needs someone to play with while we're at work all day. it's just cruel leaving her there all by herself.

puppy of the day: ain't he a cutie?

probably too young for chrisy-poo.

awesome: coming back to my office after a day with my boss (shoot me now) to find a box of gobstoppers on my desk from a coworker

lame: having to spend a day with your boss following him around while he does his own shit.

the young and old

I work at a mine - for those of you who don't know. not only is the mining industry predominated by men, but it is also flooded with the older folks. these are all those "baby boomers" from back in the day. the big issue in the industry is that these "baby boomers" are getting ready to retire and there is this enormous gap that exists. that gap is the space between the experienced and the non-experienced. those who have worked in the industry for decades and those who just graduated college.

I never thought it was that big of a deal until my time here. here I am, a 22 year old college graduate, in meetings with people who are twice - if not three times - my age. I am pretty confident that I'm the youngest salary paid employee here. you may think that it would be a big deal - older folks thinking I don't know anything (which I pretty much don't) and me possibly trying to push people around. but that's not the case at all. I'm embracing the immense amount of knowledge my coworkers have. and (I think) they appreciate my young and fresh personality. and hopefully they'll appreciate my fresh ideas whenever I come up with some.

although sometimes I feel slightly out of place at work, at the same time I feel right at home. I get along with everyone pretty well and I've started getting used to giving people shit since they've been dishing it to me for quite some time now. and I think people are starting to understand me a bit more. everyone knows I'm the big suns fan. they know that if they wanna talk basketball they can come to my office. and they know that if they need a candy fix to come to my office. it's kinda nice to have people visit you in your office. especially when it's the place you spend more of your time. there's a couple of guys that are in their 20's that I think I can call my friends considering they stop by my office multiple times a day to chat/eat candy. and I have nothing but respect for those guys since they're the ones doing the actual work. I work with the numbers. they create the numbers. they fix things. they are the ones who are making the copper.

so in an environment where things can be awkward and uncomfortable, it is a pleasure to go to work (for the most part). just because there may be a huge age gap between you and your coworkers doesn't mean there will always be tension. it doesn't mean it's impossible to get anything done. but I think it's important for those who are the youngest at work to appreciate their coworkers. they've been there probably before you've even been born. they may not know the technical details of the process, but they have such a vast amount of knowledge. I think it's common for college students just beginning their career to enter the workplace and dismiss their coworker's ideas because they don't have a degree. and I don't agree with that. I think we should go to them for ideas. we should take the opportunity to learn from these people. so what if they don't have a degree? they've been able to be successful and have a steady career for a reason. learn from them rather than push changes without their ideas and opinions. embrace the fact that you are surrounded by older folks. it's not so bad after all.

awesome: this article. finally some recognition.

lame: this article. really mr. obama? are you really already assuming the lakers & celtics are going to be in the finals before game 4 has even begun? disappointing. very disappointing.

making bets

I made a bet. I don't like making bets in fear of the possibility of losing regardless of how confident I am. and not only did I make a bet, I made a bet with the mine manager at my work. the bet? the suns will either (a) win the championship or (b) beat the spurs if they ever play. how stupid I am? I (a) made a bet with my boss's boss's boss's boss & therefore can't talk too much shit since, well he's pretty high up there, (b) made a bet that is very difficult to win since the spurs have beaten the suns the past 4 years we've played them in the playoffs, and (c) made a bet that is soo important to win since I'm the "newbie" and need to impress/gain credibility around the office rather than make stupid bets against someone who has always won bets (the hydromet manager made the same kind of bet last year & lost).

I feel sick. I'm terrified of going to work next week. I know shit's gonna go down & I'm not one who has witty comebacks & even if I did - he's the mine manager! I'm screwed. I prayed the mavericks would beat the spurs last night, but they failed me & even though we won, I felt like calling into work because I know we'll be playing the spurs in round two which starts monday. every game they play I'm gonna be soo stressed out even more than I would normally be. and even though I'm rather confident we can beat the spurs - when we're hot, we've played better defense & we'll have home court advantage - I really don't wanna deal with the spurs beating us. hopefully they won't let me down.
the stakes? suns win - mark (the mine manager) has to wear a suns jersey for a month. spurs win - I'll have to wear a spurs jersey for a month. *shivers*


update: mark showed up to work today with a spurs polo & spurs basketball shorts over his pants. I think this is war.


puppy of the day:I really love the color of this one.

6 month old female lab/pit mix 
crate & potty trained

aww isn't she precious? would be perfect for our humongous yard.





awesome: la roux's "bulletproof."
lame: presentations.