I win

after much coaxing (aka pouting) chris finally agreed to at least go look at the puppy. once he saw her, he caved.

"no don't take my picture"

looks like operation: new dog puppy has been accomplished. I rock at these operations. our family feels complete.

we're not sure what to name her yet. we figured we'll see what kind of personality comes out in the next couple of days and then decide. we're thinking either 'cayenne' if she's a feisty one or 'rosemary' (aka: 'rosie') if she's a sweetheart. so we'll see.

juuuuust kidding.

figures. chris sure is the king of crushing down my dreams and stomping on them then lighting them on fire.

sooo close

did my daily browsing of craigslist for operation: new very young but well-trained puppy and came across an absolute cutie.

puppy of the day: 

omg she is precious! absolutely. she's 6 weeks old. crate-trained. and only $75! I wasted no time in email it to chris to see if he approves. and he did! he even gave me the ok to write the owner to ask to meet her! soooo I did. turns out, the person lives in glendale. eek! at least an hour and five minute drive. buut she's sooo cute! and ginger needs a friend. and don't find too many adorable pups like her. even though I show many "puppies of the day" not many of them do I absolutely love. so I'm hoping chris will be ok driving so far to meet and possibly take her home.

I feel so close to completing this operation. but trying not to get my hopes up too high that I'm devastated when shit hits the fan or things don't work out. now would the perfect time to get a puppy though. since we don't have too much going on yet (other than unpacking) and we don't have a tv - our evenings once we get home are pretty empty. and a new puppy could fill the time easily. plus maybe I can talk my dad into going by the house every once in a while to check up on her.

I'll keep you posted.

annoyance of the day: obvious

today has sucked so far and I couldn't quite decide what was annoying me the most today. and since I already did a post on b-dogs, I've opted for the word "obvious." it's a stupid word and I wanna punch those who chose to use it. it's pointless. if it's so "obvious," then wouldn't I already know? and if I don't, then you're just making me feel stupid for not knowing something so "obvious."

b-dog overuses the word "obvious." I'm not even sure if he even realizes how much he uses the word. "obviously we won't have the pads rinsing this month." duh. "obviously this is as far as we can get without the mine plan." you think? "obviously blah blah blah." yeah I get it since it's obvious. I think it's safe to say about 90% of the "obvious" stuff he told me today was obvious and I already knew. 

stop wasting my time by saying something that is obvious. it's obvious because everyone already knows it. according to the merriam-webster, obvious is something that is "easily discovered, seen, or understood." I'm a fucking engineer. I know sometimes I don't feel like I am, but I did go to college. and therefore I do understand the basics - aka: all the "obviouses" - of forecasting and dump leach and sx flows. I get it. you do not need to spend 10-15 minutes explaining the "obvious" to me. because it's already fucking obvious!

on another note. now that we're all moved into our new house (YAY!!) I'm not giving up on operation: new dog. ginger needs someone to play with while we're at work all day. it's just cruel leaving her there all by herself.

puppy of the day: ain't he a cutie?

probably too young for chrisy-poo.

awesome: coming back to my office after a day with my boss (shoot me now) to find a box of gobstoppers on my desk from a coworker

lame: having to spend a day with your boss following him around while he does his own shit.

the smoke monster

I was listening to the radio this morning and the trivia "for the tired and braindead" of the day was that it is 100% likely you will get a divorce if one of you do this. what is this? smoke. according to whatever study, it is 100% likely you'll get a divorce if one of you are smokers. I was actually a little surprised. I didn't think that if you smoke and your partner doesn't, you're relationship is likely to fail. I mean, if you love someone for who they are, aren't you accepting all their traits and habits? I can't see someone saying "stop smoking or we're getting a divorce." trust me, I am not a fan of smoking, but really? I know when I was "dating" TJ, who smokes - a lot - I tried my best to encourage him to quit. I didn't like or really approve of what he was doing to his health but (at the time) I liked him and that was enough for me to stay with him (again, at the time). I don't think I would have broken up with him solely due to the fact that he smokes.

but then again, would I be able to live with someone who smokes for the rest of my life? I'm not sure if I would be able to handle watching someone I love slowly kill themselves (and greatly harm those around them) for a quick selfish pleasure. especially when I've dealt with the consequences of smoking very closely. during high school, my best friend tracy's father was diagnosed with cancer which was caused by his habit of smoking. he passed away our junior (or was it senior?) year of high school and watching the devastation it brought her nearly killed me. my tata was also a victim of a lung disease from his smoking and I'm convinced that the weakening it caused is the main factor in his passing. so I probably would never marry someone who smoked in the first place. I would do what I could to get the person to stop before we were to even get married just because of my own personal beliefs against smoking. I guess I can see getting a divorce if the person refused to quit since you most likely would not be able to handle having to watch them die. plus the harm it brings to you and your kids? no thank you.

but I still can't believe it's such a huge cause in divorce. so I googled it. and sure enough there have been studies that show the likelihood of getting divorced if one is a smoker. the most recent study that I saw was one from last year by the Australian National University. It was mainly about how divorces are more likely for those who are opposites, but it did say that marriages where one smoked (and the other didn't) were 75-90% more likely to end than marriages where both are non-smokers. (maybe I misheard the percentage on the radio?)

ouch. another reason to be smoke-free.

keeping a marriage. that's my anti-drug.

puppyies of the day: 

I know I accepted not getting a beagle puppy a while ago, but look at those faces! my mom and I completely fell in love with these guys last night. I saw them again and my heart melted again. damn you chris.

puppy obsessed

it's been a while. with the whole confusion around our house, the last thing I was looking for was a new puppy. of course, it wasn't off my mind and I still browsed a little bit, just not as much as before. I also gave up on my lifelong dream of naming my pets after elements off the periodic table. I didn't want ginger to feel out of place or left out. so we decided we'll name them spices. I know: genius.
puppyies of the day:

oh how my heart yearns for a white and brown/blue pit bull pup. I dream about it - that's how much it aches for one. something about their 2 tone colors makes my heart melt. I already emailed my interest about this one (don't tell chris) so we'll see. this little guy (or gal, not sure yet) reminds me of that very first puppy I fell in love with in the very beginning. except this one doesn't have a brown ear. pretty similar though huh? 

chris and I ventured to the mall this weekend to look at bedding and stuff for our soon-to-be-home. every time I go to the mall, I have to stop by the Animal Kingdom, also known as the puppy store. we saw this adorable little chocolate lab, like this one, and I fell in love with him. he was so cute and playful I want to go back and get him. I joked to chris that we could name him brown suga. but then again, that's not a spice.

how do you say no to little faces like that? and look at their cute little brown ears. awww. not to mention their love of basketball is a huge plus.

sometimes I wonder if I'm just puppy obsessed. or just my heart desires an addition to our "family" so greatly it's driving me crazy. it's better than a baby that we're definitely not ready for. what's the difference you ask? taking care of a puppy is like taking care of a child, true. but taking care of two kids is different than taking care of one big kid and a puppy. it's bad enough having to deal with chris's childish antics all the time, but two children? no way. a puppy is so different. yes they require lots of attention - attention I'm full of and willing to give - but it's just different. I don't think chris is ready to be a dad. and I'm definitely not ready to be a mom. so I'll just stick with puppy parents for now.

anxious

we still haven't heard anything about the house. cathy told chris they're hoping to find out what's going on in a few days. a few days?! a few days would be like the end of this week. our closing of escrow date is set for the 19th - next wednesday. our furniture - couches, entertainment center, beds, dressers - are all scheduled to be delivered on the 20th.  I'm really hoping to hear back from them sooner than later so that we can be ready to move. or not move. I'm so anxious about moving - I just want to be in my own home, sleeping in my wonderful cloud supreme. but right now I'm not even sure if it'll be our home. we already have everything ready. the delivery schedules. I took that thursday and friday off - my mom is supposed to take the friday off too to go shopping with me. but it's all going to be pointless if we can't even move in. frustrating. very frustrating.

I'm also becoming more and more anxious to get a new puppy. another reason I want to be moved into our house, because the sooner we get settled in there, the sooner I get my doggie. Here's my pick for the puppy(ies) of the day:

pit pups

I think both of these are adorable (out of the 8 available). I'm not sure if I can choose one. I just can't wait to have a little doggie running around the house and getting to play in our (relatively) huge backyard with ginger - hearing ginger go through the dog door followed by a little one - having two doggies to cuddle with in bed - watching them play tug-o-war and such. it'll be sooo cute! I think I'm going to go insane if we don't hear anything from them by the end of the day.

awesome: ritz crackers.

lame: nyquil - pill or liquid form.

house? or no house?

with only about a week and a half left before we can close and move in, our house was appraised last week. and it was appraised for significantly less. I'm not a realtor or a broker nor do I really understand everything when it comes to buying a house. what I understand is you want a house, you get a loan based on how much you make, you make a down payment for the house, you move into the house. so when I'm told that the house that we've been waiting for 5 months has been appraised for much less than what we're about to pay for it, I'm not really sure what that means. cathy, our realtor, says she's never seen something like this where the house is appraised for significantly less than the asking price. which isn't comforting.

so I'm not really sure what's going on right now. I guess they (our realtors and broker) got some "comps" or proof that what they're asking for isn't unreasonable. I guess the development is closing on a house more than ours is. don't ask me what that means. but I guess they sent that stuff to the appraisers and hopefully the appraisal will go up closer to what the builder is asking for? if it doesn't, I'm not sure if that means we have to negotiate or what.

I do know that cathy told us to be "proactive" and find some other houses that we like. which means we may or may not get the house we've been falling in love with for 5 months now - the house that we spent time at every day to watch it progress - the house that we put our heart and soul into designing (what we could at least) and picking furniture - the house that we added custom touches (speaker wire throughout, ginger's door, etc) to make it ours - that house. we are not sure if we are getting our house. when I found this out on saturday, I was heartbroken. I couldn't believe it. a week and a half before we're supposed to move in, we're not sure if we'll get it. and now I have to look at other houses and find one that's comparable? and on top of that, if we opt out of the contract we have now, we'll lose our $8,000 home buyers tax credit.

like I said, I'm not completely sure what's going on. all I know is we're supposed to hopefully hear back from the appraisers today to see what the adjusted appraisal for our house is. and then I don't know where we go from there. I just hope it's all sorted out in the next week the latest. the sooner the better though, because all this stress is killing me. like seriously, by body cannot handle this stress (combined with stress from work) and if I don't become stress-free soon, I'm never gonna get rid of this bug.


as an update for operation: get new, young, well-trained dog, I thought that idea was crushed too when chris was being a turd last week. my parents and I were looking at puppies at shelters near our area (don't as me why) and I'd ask chris what he thought about a couple and he would be short and rude. then he got mad saying that he already told me that we can't have a dog right now and then I got mad since I told him I wasn't looking for it right now but within a couple of months of us moving in to our house. but since then he seems he's wanting a new dog soon since I caught him looking at puppies the other day. he told me he wanted to get one within a couple of weeks of moving. *squeeeaaaal* now I'm just hoping we'll have a house to move into.

awesome: kings of leon "closer"

lame: being sick for over a week

annoyance of the day: people who can't move on

I know I've written a couple of entries about a certain individual, but I want to make it clear that I am completely over this certain individual. I've mentioned how sometimes I think about our fun times, and I do, but the horrible times override the "fun times" and therefore I'm quickly reminded how happy and how great my life is now. it's just lame when I go through weeks of not speaking to this person and I'm in a good mood all the time and not being made to feel like crap and then all the sudden, out of the blue, he drops me a message/text. the message I happened to receive last night:


"so your re-engaged huh?"

a mere 21 minutes later:

"hey, sorry, stupid question. Congrats."


I'm glad it only took you 21 minutes to realize your stupidity rather than 21 hours later like before. but seriously - how did you manage to find that out? it's not made public on my myspace page. my facebook is set to private unless you're my friend. only solution is you borderline stalked me to come across this blog to determine this fact. you'd be doing yourself a favor if you just stop doing shit like that. you don't need to see the update of my life. it's none of your business.

and to rid of any thoughts you have - chris is amazing. he cares about me. he has his faults but he doesn't push that onto other people. he takes responsibility and mans up to his actions. he doesn't start drama or purposely try to stir up issues. he doesn't dwell on the past. and he doesn't play the blame game constantly. he makes me laugh and I feel 100% comfortable around him. we have a lot in common and at the same time we are ok with each other doing their own thing every once in a while. we don't have to be attached to the hip. and he understands that my family is the most important thing to me and that they're my best friends. he doesn't get mad if I have a late night with my cousin or if I had a long day at work and need a nap. he's understanding. and he is my fiance. and I wouldn't want it any other way.

so please do yourself a favor and leave me alone. every time we try to talk and be friends you just end up bringing up old shit and making me mad. or you'll act like you know something that you don't (remember saying the suns won't make it to the playoffs? you clearly don't know shit about basketball hun) and that frustrates me even more. I've moved on and things are great. and I know you have to - new job, new place, yada yada. so stop trying to dwell on our past. it's seriously not healthy. and life would be much more enjoyable.

I am sorry shit went down the way it did. but shit happens.



on another note: puppies of the day: 

they're all so adorable I can't pick one.

awesome: edamame. mmm.

lame: la lakers.

moving on up

we got a letter in the mail over the weekend from the housing development chris & I are getting our house built. it's what I've been waiting for since january. our closing of escrow (or whatever they call it) is set for may 19th! this is the day we'll get the keys to our house! I just can't wait for it to be done because it sure has been a hassle. so in 22 more days (not counting today) chris & I will be sleeping in our own home. on our amazing bed. it's got the perfect name - cloud supreme. how can you not like a bed that's call the cloud supreme? anyways, super stoked to be getting out of my parent's house - not that I don't love my family and all, just 6 adults under a small roof is just too hectic. and I seem to be the one causing most of the issues. 

other than that, I don't really have anything interesting to say today.

here's the puppy I've fallen in love with for the day. 

8-9 wk old female pit - her name would be calcium or "calie"

awesome: found this while researching some stuff for work. it's an illustration of how the copper in the solution (the little thing with eyebrows) is attracted to the organic (the blobby thing) during one of the processes. love it's honesty.

lame: msha is on site today & will be inspecting the tankhouse (where I work) any minute now. I'm all about mine safety & enforcing regulations and policies, but I think msha inspectors have a tendency to take it too far (labeling all empty containers "empty" - really?). they also just bring stress around the workplace and prevent employees from getting the important shit done since they have to spend days running around checking EVERYTHING possible to make sure it will "comply."

I need me some puppy love

so I somewhat got the go-ahead as to getting a new dog - at least I'm telling myself I did. it won't be the puppy I desperately yearn for - chris is too afraid it's going to chew up all our new furniture - understandable - but I got him to agree to at least an 8 month to a year old dog - which is still considered a puppy. (although he did say a 5 month old puppy was pushing it - so I may be able to talk him down to 6 or 7 months? haha) I'm beyond excited since I've come to terms as to the real reasons I want a puppy so bad.

(1) because chris has ginger. even though ginger is both of ours, she's a daddy's girl for sure. she cuddles with him more on the couch and gets more excited to see him than me. I want a puppy to be care for & to cuddle with & will excited to see me after work.

(2) because I'm itching for a baby. yup. that's right. even though I'm still not 100% sure if I even want to have kids, I have this uncontrollable feeling whenever I see a baby to think awww, I want one. and baby lorelai doesn't help. she is the cutest dangest baby ever. I'm so attracted to this little human being that is so new to everything around her and finds everything interesting and amusing. her excitement to learn intrigues me. the fact that she knows certain things - if you need comfort, she'll pat your back - is amazing. and when I play with her, it reminds me of how simple life can be. how covering your eyes & uncovering them can be so amusing. how good it feels when you learn something new like tying your shoe. she reminds me that life isn't always complicated and stressful. I want my own to bring me that kinda joy every day.

but not right now. not for a while. and not until I get over the fact that I can safely carry a child and it won't be that bad to push it out of my vagina or get a c-section. because right now, that's what I fear the most. I'm hoping a puppy will fool my body into thinking it's like a child so this "itching" can go away.

chris said we can get a puppy soon but not until we move into our house. well thank god our house will be done in about three weeks now! so I'm guessing that in about 5-6 weeks I will have operation: new dog complete.

here's some cute guys I've found so far.

I'd name her moly (short for molybdenum) I'm not sure how old she is - young is what the place say - but she's a pit/lab/shepard mix.

this guy is 7 months old & crate trained. I'm thinking he's a nitro (short for nitrogen of course)

this guy is about 5 months old (they think) & is a lab/pit mix & I love his paws! I'm not sure what I'd name him quite yet though...maybe zirconium or helium?

I've always wanted a beagle puppy! but I could never find any for adoption in arizona so I basically gave up. except I found these little guys on craigslist! aww I want one so bad. I'd name him copper. :)

hopefully I can find one that'll be available the end of may or early june (the beagle puppies are ready may 25th!). we'll see what the boy says.

commonalities

not only was my beloved puppy adopted this weekend, but Chris also gave me a big fat no. no puppies. (even though he's promised me one.) so I'm on the hunt for a the youngest dog I can get that is crate-trained since that's what we'll mainly have to rely on until it gets old enough to behave in our new home. I found a few, just gotta wait on the approval from the other. I'll keep you posted on operation: new puppy young, well trained, dog.

on a side note - I was talking with a coworker last week who has gotten divorced & has since remarried. since everyone around the offices know that I'm recently engaged, she gave me a bit of advice: you must have great communication & marry someone you have a lot in common with.

whooaaa. hold on there. what was that now? great communication and a lot in common. shit. looks like I'm on the road to divorce.

so I spend the next couple of days down in the dumps. I've always known that chris & I had beyond horrible communication skills - something I keep hoping we'll take time to get some help on - but I didn't think about stuff we have in common, or lack thereof. I started breaking down the facts - at least in my head. I just couldn't think of any one thing that we both have enjoy doing - that we both have a passion for.

we went to the boyce thompson arboretum this weekend & chris kept saying how this lady he knows got married there & how we should get married there. & I told him that I wouldn't want to get married there because, even though we both love nature & stuff, we're not nature/flower freaks & I'd feel like we'd be lying. & then I got to thinking about couples that have those kind of themed weddings that represent who they are as a couple & junk. like couples that love sailing/boating so they get married at sea. or couples that love nature & are hippie-like & get married at an arboretum. chris & I wouldn't be able to do that because we both don't have a passion for something.

I got even more depressed & down so I tried to talk to chris about it. well since we have shitty communication he got frustrated & upset & started acting like I was trying to pick a fight - which I wasn't - I was just trying to voice a genuine concern of mine - that we don't have anything in common & that we're gonna get bored with each other. we argued back & forth when I finally got up & went to my parents & simply asked: "what is the one thing you guys have in common that you both have a passion for?"

my mom looked at my dad with her famous disappointed face (implying that they don't really have one) & my dad flat out said that the don't really have one. but then he went on to say that what has made them work & what has made them get along all these years was that he lets her do her own thing & she lets him do his own thing. they let each other be independent. they still like doing things together, but there isn't one main thing they have in common that they both have a passion for.

ok. I'll buy it. but then I got to thinking even more (I must've done a lot of thinking this weekend - maybe that's why I have a headache this morning) - why do you have to have a lot in common with the person you spend your life with. yeah it's great to do the things you love with someone else, but wouldn't that make you sick of that person quicker? wouldn't it be best to have a few things in common & keep your independence? maybe that way you have time to miss the other - maybe it makes the time you do spend together more meaningful since you do stuff apart. I'm not saying couples that have a lot in common are going to fail, but I don't think it should be pounded in our heads that you need to have a lot in common with the person you're with.

chris & I may not have a lot in common, but the stuff we do binds us together. & we make compromises. I've always loved basketball, something chris never really used to pay attention to, & now we're half-season ticket holders & he's bought his own jersey to wear. I...well...I think chris has made more compromises to my likings than I have to his. I should change that. anyways, we love doing stuff together, but we also value the time we have apart. I think that keeps us sane. when I was with TJ & he wanted to do everything together & spend every moment I'm in town together, I was going crazy. I couldn't handle that. I think it just depends on the person. if you're the kind who needs space, you should be with someone who needs space. if you're one who loves company, then yeah, you should have a lot in common. but not me. I'm happy.

and then I fell in love

I was having a tough day at work and needed something to cheer me up. there's a couple of places I go to lift me up, but today I needed something that will  make my heart flutter. so I went to petfinder.com - one of my favorite sites to look at puppies. and then I saw her.

I've looked a lot of puppies but this girl just immediately drew me to her. she's so unique and beautiful. I love her white and brown color and the way it is on her body. I want her. bad. I'm just  a little hesitant to contact about adoption since our house isn't finished and won't be finished for another three weeks or so. and I don't know if they can exactly hold her until we can take her.

how can you say no to a face like this? although, I'm not sure what I'd call her yet. my ultimate goal in life is to have my pets named after elements off the periodic table. (my beta fish I got my freshman year, I named potassium - or K for short - RIP - finally passed away after four wonderful years.) so I'm thinking she looks like a magnesium - or maggie for short? or maybe calcium - cali for short? nickel (nicki)? beryllium (Be)? not sure yet. I still have to convince chris and the place to let us have her.