I think my main cause for disappointment for the year 2010 is my lack of accomplishment. I don't feel like I achieved any of my lifetime goals. I don't feel like I went anywhere in life. yes, I bought my first home and yes I started my first post-college job, but those were things that needed to be done - not dreams/goals I wanted to accomplish. and with the 7 months of living in our house, I haven't done too much to it to make it our home. I haven't hung pictures or even completely unpacked. and with my lack of motivation to much of anything, I was washed over by negative and depressing thoughts.
so when new year's day came along, I decided that this year I am going to get up and do something. not only will it keep my mind preoccupied and away from the dark side, but it will also challenge me to become a better person, which is my ultimate goal. for the past couple of days, I thought about how I wanted to do this - I have so many goals in life and honestly life is too short. then I thought, why don't I make a list of 12 things I want to get accomplished this year and challenge myself to do it each month.
then I saw the rest of the blogosphere came up with the same idea. (really? I thought I was a freakin' genius for this one!) oh well. that shouldn't stop me from pursuing what I want. one of my new year's resolutions was to do more stuff for myself, so I'm not gonna hold back.
here's my tentative monthly to-dos list (most of them stem from my 2011 resolutions):
- no fast food and cook meals at home
- exercise daily
- spend more time reconnecting with chris
- take more pictures
- explore more unique and local places to eat and be entertained
- write more poetry
- do volunteer work
- spend more time outside
- bake
- finish decorating tha crib
- no tv
- dress up
these aren't in the order that I'll be doing them and I may change them, but I think I have the ability to dedicate myself to each one for a period of time. I'm hoping that by making myself do something every day for a month (like exercising), will enable me to fit that activity in my daily life permanently. in other words, I don't want to do these things for a month then quit, I want to challenge myself to learn how to adapt my life around them. that's my ultimate goal at least.
I also want to dedicate myself more to blogging and not just about my boring, depressing life, but maybe ways on how to get yourself out of a hole and realize how great life is. basically, my blog is going to have a much-needed make over soon. ;)
I'm very grateful that 2010 is over, because frankly, it was quite lame. it wasn't horrible - I didn't endure any intense hardships, but it wasn't fantastic either. in fact, I felt quite distant during 2010. I'm not even sure what all happened in 2010. I just feel like I was constantly hit by wave after wave and I spent most of the year struggling to keep afloat. 2010 definitely was a year of being smacked in the face by reality and nostalgic memories and yearnings for of my simple childhood.
even though 2010 wasn't the best year for me, the last week has been amazing. and it only brings me hope that it is an early start to a wonderful new year.
my family has finally gotten my tata's ashes back - after 2 years of him collecting dust at the evil step-nana. that lady has brought our family so much drama it's good to have him back and to be able to move on - even though we won't have all his artwork and possessions we were promised.
my dad got a job!!! it's been a long almost decade of him being unemployed and my mom trying to make ends meet, but he's finally done it! and not just any job, and amazing job at intel! I'm so excited for all the things my parents can do now with the extra (more than I make) income! I'm so proud of him and I know they will both have the best new year ever!
I've never been good at making resolutions. not only because I never follow through with them, but mainly because I forget what they are. but here's a list of my main goals for the year
- get some results on my iron-transfer project at work - I put it off for quite some time and then when I felt confident enough to get started I got slammed with spreadsheets and data analysis. so I'm hoping I can get something accomplished this new year.
- cook more. and not just the usuals (tuna casserole and edamame lo mien, although they are both delicious). I want to get so used to cooking that I can experiment with recipes and ingredients. I want to make scrumptious meals for guests and be able to make something new and exciting for chris & I.
- donate more to organizations and charities that do good, like the arizona humane society and such. and not just money, but also my time. I used to volunteer all the time in high school, so I would like to start that again.
- get healthy. I don't really need to lose weight, in fact, I should probably gain some weight - get some muscles at least. and then I just want to be healthy and active like I used to be. go hiking more. take the dogs for more walks. dance more often. eat more fruits and veggies.
- no more french fries. this goes along with #4 of course. I'm a HUGE french fry fanatic. I almost eat some every day - or at least 3-4 times a week. they're not healthy for me (but they're soooo goooood). but I won't be able to cut back on them (because I'll have the power to decide how much is cutting back) so I need to cut them out of my diet completely. I'm pretty sure this is impossible for me to do, but if I do happen to achieve it, I'll feel pretty awesome.
- get back on track when it comes to my relationship with chris. whether it be stay together and be happy, or move on, I need to make a decision and stop putting myself through so much pain and heartache.
- take more time for myself. I spend a lot of time trying to please everyone around me that I get overwhelmed with responsibilities and fall apart. I need to take more time to relax, do things I enjoy, and breathe.
- be more welcoming/friendly to strangers. I'm not a mean person, but I think if I do something simple like smile or say "hello" to a stranger, it would really make their day. and I would feel awesome for making someone's day.
- be more adventurous. I want to do some traveling and random road trips. I want to do things I normally wouldn't do, like go dancing or driving to the mountains. life is short and I spend waaay too much time of it being bored and sad.
- stop being so sad/depressed. it's seriously not fun.
hopefully by this time next year I'll have accomplished most of these. I'm gonna make 2011 my year.
