challenge life: getting back on track

after yet another falling out this weekend (probably one of our worsts as I stayed at my parents for the night) things are starting to look up. last night, I had one of the best nights with chris that I've had in a while. I don't want to get too excited though in fear of jinxing this anomaly (that hopefully becomes normal) but here's an overview of how our night went. it was simple, but I really enjoyed it.

we got home from work and he decided to go on a bike ride. I took advantage of him being gone for an hour to watch teen mom 2 (he HATES that show so much that I'm not allowed to watch it when he's home). by the way, I definitely cried a little bit.

after he got home and showered we went to chipotle!! not only did I get to enjoy scrumptious, to-die-for, food, but chris and I chatted the whole ride there, while eating, and the whole ride back. marvelous. simply marvelous.

afterwards we stopped by my parents to see how my dad's first day of work went. it's so amazing to see him so excited. there are no words to express how grateful I am that he's back to his old self.

we then went back home. he took the dogs on a walk while I put some music on my computer and got ready for bed. when he got back, we cuddled up with the puppy and watched pitbulls and parolees.

again, it was a simple, pretty laid back night, but we really talked and enjoyed each other's company. rather than just tolerating each other. and for the first time in a loooonnnng time, I got a slight glimmer of hope that maybe we'll make it through. after everything that we've been through, I'd hate to throw it all away. we worked so hard, together, to get where we're at. in our own house. with our degrees. with our careers. everything I have built and become he has been a huge part in. I thought I would be fine if things didn't work out now. but the other night (after not talking to him all weekend) it really hit me hard. I realized that it would be really extremely difficult to live without him.

so hopefully now we can get back on track with my challenge for the month. it's never too late to try to reconnect with your love.

challenge life: saaaahhh-weeeeet potatoes.

yesterday was nice. chris and I went to a local restaurant for lunch. I know this restaurant has delicious french fries but I wanted to stick to my resolution: no french fries. but I didn't say anything about sweet potato fries. :) I compared the nutritional facts, reviewed them with chris, and thought about why I made the resolution in the first place: to get healthier. and french fries are my weakness. I eat them constantly. and they are waaay unhealthy. so instead of making a resolution to eat healthier, I thought I take baby steps by cutting out one thing in my diet that I love but will kill me. and since sweet potatoes are better than regular potatoes (they're super rich in beta-carotene and other immunity boosters and can help you gain healthy weight - both of which I am in desperate need of) I figured I wouldn't be violating my resolution. they were perfect. I wish I had a picture to show.

that afternoon when we got home from work, we invited my parents over for dinner. they came over, we watched some dexter, chris made tortellini, we ate, and played some euchre. it was enjoyable. the best part is that chris and I got along all night.

dad & mom getting ready to enjoy dinner
dad made his plate look like the fancy restaurants
mom can't believe she married this guy

however, even though we've been getting along lately, I'm not very satisfied. because I don't feel like we've had any real conversations. and I don't feel like chris is making the same effort I am into talking and spending time together. I'm started to get mildly freaked out. I don't think chris will change. or wants to become a better boyfriend. and I just don't think I can live the rest of my life with someone who I can't have a conversation with. I need that.

I won't jump to any conclusions just yet - I'll wait until I'm at least halfway through the month. but it's not looking good. I'm doing my best to be optimistic though.

in other news, work's been super crazy busy. it's weird, I went from having nothing to do at work, to not being able to get everything done. even though I really want to get my iron-transfer project started, I can't seem to find much time to. but I'm glad because I'm really starting to get involved and other people are starting to call me with questions. my work confidence has definitely climbed within the last week. now only if I could get my boss to go to south america, I'd be content. 


only thing is I think my body isn't too fond of my new workload. I can feel myself getting more sluggish and I've been having that feeling in the back of my throat that's like, "hey, I'm going to be sore soon, maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but soon. and when I am, I'm going to come with a vengeance." so we'll see - maybe more sweet potato french fries will keep my immune system on defense. I need to feel on top of my game because I'm going to have a great weekend. and I need to not want to curl up in bed all day.

challenge life: revamping my outlook

with my amazing website design skills (which mainly consists of me asking my sister [in law] and brother for help) and days of asking family for opinions and decisions, I reveal my new blog. 

Tada! 

I just didn't feel like my life was "simply complicated" anymore. it's waaay more complicated than anything and it makes it difficult to enjoy the simplicity.  I like the way it turned out. my sister [in law] came up with the new title. she got it from an e.e. cummings poem titled "i thank you God for most this amazing." it's a lovely poem and fits perfectly where I am in life right now.

i thank You God for most this amazing

day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything

wich is natural with is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth

day of life and love and wings:and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any-lifted from the no

of all nothing-human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

I think it's such a great poem and am thankful she shared it with me. because this year, I hope to awake and open my eyes to the beautiful world around me and the blessed like I have been given. I am excited and looking forward to this journey.

as for January's challenge, things are going slowly. I haven't been feeling too well the past couple of days, so we haven't done anything too major. but I have been putting a lot of effort in having conversations with chris and I can tell he's trying to adjust. it's just a slow process - getting someone to open up to you. and it can be very frustrating. but I think it's possible. it has to be possible.

yesterday we ate delicious spinach and cheese ravioli with a cheesy marinara sauce over it and hung up some pictures/wall decorations/our diplomas to make give our walls more personality. tonight we went to dinner (taco bell! my fave - a treat for me since I've been ill♥) and made small talk throughout the whole meal - which is an improvement for us. usually we just eat in silence. they definitely weren't long, deep conversations, and it was mostly about work, but we kept talking. it was nice. now chris is waiting for me to finish so we can snuggle up on the couch and maybe squeeze in a move before the suns vs. lakers game. life is good.

what do you think of the new look?

challenge life | month one: reconnect with chris

I explained to chris my desire to challenge not only myself, but the both of us this year and he seemed totally on board. (although it's hard to tell most of the time what he's thinking.) I started bouncing ideas off him on things I wanted to accomplish and of course he focused on the getting healthier tasks most. but I told him, first & foremost, I want to reconnect, or rather connect, with him on a deeper level. we've been rocky on a rollercoaster at a point in our relationship where I feel like the engine of the plane just blew up and we're now plummeting towards sharp rocks with lions and bears waiting to chow us up. so in order for me to make a final decision as to where I want to be, I need to give it a full out try. and I need him to participate with me. and that's where the challenge comes in.

cue in month one of my challenge life: reconnect with chris.

the goals:

• to have daily conversations with each other
• to understand what goes on in his mind from time to time
• to feel important and special in his life
• to see if we're truly compatible/meant for each other (like we used to be)
• to spend more time together enjoying life

the conditions:

• must spend at least 30 minutes having (or attempting) a conversation
• do one activity together each night
• be straight up and tell the other how we feel if upset/mad
• be completely honest with each other

day 1 we spent the day playing uno and watching dexter (♥!!) at my parent's house. there wasn't much talking, but technically, we didn't make the agreement yet.

day 2 we spent the evening fighting and when that fizzled out we downloaded a "conversation starters" app and asked each other its questions. they weren't much of conversation starters, however, but I think that's mainly chris's problem, since he answers the question and thinks that's all he needs to do. is it possible to "train" someone on communicating? what are some ideas on how I can get him to open up to me more?

day 3 was my dad's birthday so after work we headed over there & went to dinner at the most amazing seafood restaurant in mesa. seriously. they had the most succulent and juicy and wonderful crab legs. and every things else. (on a side note, I managed to avoid the french fries and got steamed veggies and their seafood pasta salad on the side. too bad I didn't have room to eat them.)

 

so tonight - day 4 - is where we'll really get cracking on this challenge. I'm looking forward to it and doing my best to be optimistic.

and I wish the rest of you challenging yourself this year the best of luck! & don't let anyone make you think twice about your decisions!